My 2011 Resolution

Here we are again, loyal readers, after taking a sabbatical towards the end of 2010 I find myself in a not-so-enviable position of being largely overweight teetering on the edge of morbidly obese. As I am sure that I told some of you over the holidays, I find myself at a crossroads at the beginning of 2011. Going down one path that for some reason seems to be more traveled is that towards 300 lbs and a head that is so bloated it connects directly to my shoulders. The other path (less traveled) is that towards 200 lbs and the ability to wear my full collection of t-shirts and not having to worry about people not being able to read the letters or logo because it got caught in one of my many rolls or is so stretched out that what was once a legible letter or word is now just a collection of random dots that nobody can comprehend. On New Year’s Eve I was visited by the ghost of Mr. Lemonhead Past, the ghost of Mr. Lemonhead Present, and the ghost of Mr. Lemonhead Future. With the glimpses into where I have been and where I am going, it has scared me into changing things around in 2011. So, just like Robert Frost, I am choosing to take the road less traveled.

Ghost of Mr. Lemonhead Past

Ghost of Mr. Lemonhead Present

Ghost of Mr. Lemonhead Present

Ghost of Mr. Lemonhead Future

Now you may have heard this kind of crazy talk from me before, dating back to my first edition of the Diaries of Mr. Lemonhead in October of 2010, but this time things are a little different (please stop laughing I am being serious). Previously, I thought that if I were to just pen the details of my week in terms of eating and exercising, that that would be enough to stop the monster that is my appetite and would keep my from overindulging in all things delicious and more often that not un-nutritious. By the fact that when my quest started in October my weight was around 237 and I was able to get it down to 227 before Thanksgiving and since that lovely Monday morning of November 22, my true colors have revealed themselves and I now weigh an unhealthy 222.0, oops, sorry for the typo, I meant 242.0 (at this point you should pick up your jaw from the table from your astonishment…it can get uncomfortable). I have now realized that I need more of a plan and am working on developing a plan with goals, hence the purpose of this email. The parts to my plan will be laid out before you:

1. Rather than send out a weekly email and saving them along with the responses as some sort of keepsake, I have decided to set up a blog (available at www.diariesofmrlemonhead.blogspot.com) so all of my entries can be seen in one spot and I can make sure that the promises I make do not turn up empty. I am still planning on creating one weekly entry on Monday’s but that is going to be flexible as some days allow for more time spent on penning these entries than others. Who knows maybe I may get crazy and throw two in one week? Now I know some of you may be thinking that you finally have your reprieve from my diary entries, but I may be sending my weekly thoughts via email as well, it is still up in the air.

2. Most of my diets… I’m sorry…lifestyle changes have had a beginning date and an end date. During this predetermined time I would do a fantastic job of limiting my intake of caloric-laced food and as a result my once-high weight would begin to approach the not-so-overweight levels. Once the day of reckoning came and I either won the bet that was associated with this lifestyle change or lost by the size of one bowel movement, I went back to my old ways of attacking and eating food with a passion that I wish would carry over to other facets of my life…say exercise. The game plan that I came up with for 2011 has no timeline for an end date, but rather will end with me being able to step on a scale and the three numbers on that scale prior to the decimal point must be a 2 accompanied with 2 zeros or the first digit must be a 1. This is much more of a long-term plan than most lifestyle changes I undertake, so I am sure there will be some ups and downs, but the more there are, the more enjoyable it is for you.

3. This next part is a little tough to swallow. Starting on January 1, 2011 I have converted to the unleaded variety of soda. Yes, you heard that correctly, I will no longer be drinking regular Coke/Pepsi/Mountain Dew, but will be making the switch to Diet Pepsi (for all other diet carbonated beverages are not created equal). Coke Zero is also an option but I am still a little worried about the Taste Infringement and any backlash from that. There may be some special occasions (say my birthday or Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations) where I enjoy the fine taste of a diesel beverage, but for all other times those days are gone. With the heavy consumption of ‘the good stuff” that I enjoyed over the month, I think I am in need of a detox period, so for the next two weeks I am going to attempt to drink water, orange juice, gatorade and milk (with my cereal of course). We all have to make sacrifices for what we want and I guess my hand was forced and this will be mine.

4. I understand that simply switching to Diet will not be enough to get me to my desired goal, so I am going to attempt to limit or eliminate my usual routine of breakfast, brunch, my early lunch, lunner, my midafternoon snack, my pre-dinner and my dinner. The plan is to enjoy a breakfast, healthy snack at 10:00, my lunch at 12:30 and a Fiber One bar at 3:00 to help move things along. This is obviously my eating at work schedule since this is unfortunately where I spend the majority of my time that I am not sleeping. I also plan on cutting out my pre-dinner dinner which consists of anything that I can pull out of the cabinets that doesn’t require preparation. Many times cheese, cookies, chips, salsa find themselves victims to my growling stomach. I also plan to eat less and eat healthier. I have to come to grips with the fact that I can be satisfied without making it difficult to breathe because my airways are being restricted by the loads of food that my stomach is trying to digest.

5. The last part of my plan to get back to my girlish figure (think Axel prior to winter of 2000) is to exercise on a regular basis. You may be asking yourself right now, “what is regular?” and my response to you would be that regular to Mr. Lemonhead is a minimum of 20 miles a week. If I am able to get my speed skater thighs and almost perfectly round torso to pound the pavement for 20 miles then everything else will fall into place. This will most surely lead to me getting out on the road at least 3 times or more a week because if I fail to my mind and body will most definitely pay the price as I try to log two 10-mile runs or the pain of a 20 mile run. Along with the runs, I will attempt to do 1 push up for every mile that I log (5 miles = 5 pushups) for the first week or two and stepping it up to 2 for 1 (5 miles = 10 pushups) and 3 for 1 (5 miles = 15 pushups) and so forth as I build up my strength. I will also attempt to do 5 situps for every mile and increase that as I lose some of the fat that is keeping me from seeing my toes. Step 1 towards a healthier me took place on Saturday morning as I grinded out a 4.35 mile run through the biting cold and wind that returned to Central Illinois just in time for my run after being absent the previous couple of days. As I literally pounded the pavement I could only imagine some of the thoughts that were running through people’s minds as I struggled mightily to put one foot in front of the other:

-  “Awe, good for him, that fat kid has finally decided to do something about his weight.”

- “Is he running, or just picking his legs up higher as he walks?”

- “How did he fit those clothes on while wearing an inner tube around his waist?”

- “Should I follow him in case he passes out so I can call an ambulance?”

- “Those clothes are a little too graphic in their fit for my liking.”

- “ I just vomited in my mouth!”

6. The last part of my plan with most likely be the most painful and most embarrassing. Most of the people are surprised at the large numbers that I produce on the scale when I choose to step on it. This may lead people to believe that I “wear it well”. Unfortunately when the shirt comes off, we have a different story. So starting today and occurring once a month, I will provide you unfortunate readers with a snapshot of me without my shirt on. I will provide ample warning beforehand so you can screen any children from seeing such a horror and so you have time to digest your food before bearing witness to such an unsightly scene. If all goes according to plan hopefully somebody would be able to use stop motion to create a graphic animation (no pun intended) of my shedding of those 40 lbs.

There you have it folks, the ingredients to a recipe for some serious weight loss in 2011. My goal by December 31, 2011 isn’t to be half of the man I used to be but I would at least like to be 82.6% of what I used to be at the beginning of the year. I know 12 months is a lot of time, but I am hopeful that through the game plan that I have established along with the help of my loyal readers, we can all enjoy the success that 2011 is sure to bring.

Thank you for taking the time to read and please feel free to make any comments or suggestions as I start back up the trek towards a reduced waistline.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead