Diary Entry #3

Well, here we are, another Monday and another 2 hours of my day that I need to spend putting together a diary entry. Once again this week had some highs and some lows but, most importantly, Mr. Lemonhead is moving in the right direction. After 2 entries thus far, I now realize why I didn't go into the writing profession. What is going to go into my next entry seems to be all that consumes me and my thoughts (I try to squeeze a little work thoughts in). Let's get down to business.
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MARATHON UPDATE!!
I know it has been over two weeks since that wonderful Sunday morning/afternoon on 10/10/10 but some of you haven't had the opportunity to run walk the race vicariously through me so I will provide you that chance here. As most of you know my training for the Mother Road Marathon was going swimmingly for the first two months and I had not missed a day (I even ran every day on vacation, yes I know, even I can't believe it either). I was doing a speed workout on the track and was about halfway through when the 'ole hammy tightened up on me. We all know that stretching is overrated and doesn't cure the pulling of muscles, so the obvious reason for this unfortunate circumstance is my bones are still growing but unfortunately my muscles have stopped growing so the result is frequent pulled/strained muscles. This could be the only reason I could think of. So after that event and the month that ensued that I had to take off to let it heal, I started drinking pop again and the laziness kicked into high gear. So on that Sunday morning I was staring down the start line after the beautiful National Anthem sang by the winner of the 4 States Idol competition herself, knowing that I was in for a battle. I started off pretty well at a 8:38-8:45 pace for the first 13 miles but was thrown off by the lack of a water stop at MM 14 (they had them placed every two miles prior to this mishap) and by the time I reached the next one at the 15.25 mile mark I was telling myself I needed a walk break (I told you before I am very convincing). After that the race part of the marathon was all but over. For the next 10+ miles I managed to run a half mile here or there but more often than not I was enjoying the scenery of Kansas/Missouri at my own leisurely pace. I discovered during this time that hills aren't that intimidating if you don't run them. Taking multiple cups of water/gatorade at each hydration station - it was 80+ degrees during the race - (had to make sure I was properly hydrated for this fast-paced walk I was on) I strategically drank at a pace that once I was finished with my refreshments I was allowed a small period of running before the next station. To sum up how the race went I guess you could use this formula: Hilly + Hot +Out of Shape = 4:32:48. That was a new PW (personal worst) by close to 15 minutes. But I did finish and was also told by at least 5-7 spectators along the course that I had the coolest shoes by far in the marathon, so everything wasn't all that bad.

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Back to the reason that you tune in every Monday, how my attempt to crawl back to weight respectability fared this week. As a reminder, last week I tipped the scales at a not-so-light 235.2 (see attached chart) and after weighing myself this morning (sans clothes and pre-run once again) I weighed a slim 232.6. I was feeling pretty good about myself and ventured out on a 6.17 mile run through the mist and darkness that was this morning. The meat grinder (my intestinal track during runs) really went to work during those 50+ minutes. My confidence was booming with my weight loss this week and then I sit down on my throne (post-run) with my not so good posture which or course contracts the space in which my belly is allowed to roam and it made me realize that I am still bordering on M.O. (morbid obesity). There is a lot of fat around this waist left, so much in fact, that for Halloween I could probably wear all white clothes and definitely double as the Michelin Man: http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/02_02/michelin2DM1402_228x299.jpg (this could have been my picture taken during the Mother Road Marathon Marathon, who knows?) So despite my success the past two weeks I realize that it is a long road ahead to my ultimate goal of 200 lbs (1/10 of a ton sounds so much better than 1/8 doesn't it?). Let's get to my weekly grades.

Exercise - C
I met my previously stated goal of at least 20 miles barely with a weekly total of 20.48 miles. The saying is "C's Get Degrees" but in my case C's aren't going to get me very far (worked for me in college though!). At least I am getting back into the habit of making the pit stop at the rest room before I either A) get dressed for a run or B) head to the couch to take care of some unfinished business. It is sitting on my throne that the couch seems to be playing the role of Mr. Tumnus in The Lion, Witch and The Wardrobe, and I, the role of Lucy Pevensie. Just the mere thought of it starts lulling me to sleep and it is all I can do to wake up out of the trance before it is too late. The bathroom in the morning seems to be the opposite of Narnia whereas, I feel like I am in there for 3 minutes and I get out and 10-15 minutes has passed by and I have passed the window of opportunity to go on my run. I still garnered enough courage to hit the pavement on Monday, Thursday and Sunday. Not what I was hoping for, but at least I was able to meet my goal. It is amazing that I haven't hurt myself seriously out there yet. I don't know how, but somehow the Clutz gene bypassed all the other three children in the Larson family and as a result I got all of what the others are missing. Last Saturday I somehow recovered after finding a way to step in a hole (our neighbors yard is the equivalent of a mine field of holes) and rolled the ankle. Every run I go on I manage to step on a stick or stone that turns my ankle or step halfway off the paved side of the road. Growing up I managed to make yearly trips to the ER (yes I know Micah had a couple more serious trips, but that is just a result of him being stupid). Why did I get this cursed gene? But despite all of this, nothing ever turns out serious and I have no excuse to use for not getting out and exercising.

Eating - C
Another week and I am starting to feel some progress in the direction of "it's okay to be hungry". My eating at work has subsided nicely but it is the eating at home that has to be curbed (who is paying Jamie to encourage me to enjoy the fined baked goods at our house so that I have to recount those same things for the public to enjoy?). I was once again able to limit myself to the 2 fountain soda restriction that I placed on myself. Before I go any further, I must admit that one of those fountain sodas happened to be placed in a 52 oz Lambert's mug. So while I did limit myself to 2 drinks, one might have been a little bigger than your standard fountain soda. Now that I have that off my chest, I can continue. Monday's eating was normal but Tuesday's festivities threw a wrench into my healthy eating plans, Julie Bethel hosting Bunko. Everyone knows that when the Bunko B's invade the Bethel household on Monday night there are troughs of food for the B's to enjoy. Whatever they do not wipeout (they can do some serious damage) is there for the rest of the immediate family to enjoy the day after. So, on Tuesday night I feasted on an assortment of unhealthy things, which was a great topper to my day after a lunch of Chipotle (standard order of steak burrito with no beans, easy on the rice, corn salsa and extra sour cream and cheese). Wednesday and Thursday I was back to my new habits but Friday once again meant breakfast at work (a little biscuits and gravy) followed by the Larson Friday night fall/winter/spring tradition...Papa Murphy's. I must admit I did have four pieces but instead of going with the dessert pizza, we went with the tub of cookie dough and I had some of that instead. In the end I would say that it was on par with my consumption of Papa Murphy's the previous week. On Saturday, the Illinois dominated the Hoosiers, which for me means tailgating, which for you translates into one doughnut for breakfast, two bratwursts, potato chips, two helpings of some delicious pasta salad and a brownie for dessert for lunch. Saturday evening and Sunday for lunch were leftover Papa Murphy's and Sunday night was tacos (might of splurged and had 3 soft shell (small tortillas) and 1 hard shell). Overall, I was say a decent week of eating but just like my exercise, there is plenty of room for improvement.

Overall - C
Due to the length of my previous two categories, I will keep my overall grade commentary pretty simple. The miles are still a struggle to get through (not out there enough to become routine) and there are some days when I get home from work andif someone were to be watching me they would definitely be impressed with the quickness that I am able to throw things into my mouth and the quickness demonstrated when one food source diminishes as I seamlessly move to my next target. It is definitely still a work in progress, but if that weren't the case, then I wouldn't be penning you this diary entry.

We are getting there readers and thanks for enjoying me on the way.

As usual, thanks for reading and please feel free to share any thoughts or comments that you may have as you witness first hand my march towards weight respectability.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead

P.S. I usually write these emails at work and send them from home and I of course forgot to attach the spreadsheet to my email to this account. My apologies and an addendum to Diary entry #3 will be sent out tomorrow.

P.S.S The "JMC" referred to in last week's edition were the initials of Jenny Marie Collins

Diary Entry #2

Well I hope I didn't keep you all on the edge of your seats anxiously awaiting Edition II of the Diaries of Mr. Lemonhead. Hopefully your patience will be rewarded. Without further ado here is the 2nd edition.

I think I had given more thought to what I was going to say in my inaugural email (yes I know I am pathetic, I had been thinking about it for a couple weeks) than to what I was actually going to do. Do I write down everything I eat? Is there some sort of penalty for me ignoring those talking people on my shoulder (were there but not loud enough this week)? This epic battle with obesity (possibly of the morbid variety) is going to be constantly changing from week to week in an effort to keep you, my readers and voices in my head, on your toes. For the time being, I have decided not to jot down all the junk I eat (unless things get real nasty and I need to) and to give you a summary of my overall week with a couple highlights. I have also decided that I tend to be motivated by reward/punishment so I have decided for the weeks that I don't lose weight I will forego my allowance of two delicious carbonated beverages. I know you feel that I am being too hard on myself by depriving my body of the biggest selling soft drink and most popular product in history (thanks Coca Cola for that tidbit of information) but desperate times call for desperate measures. I have also decided (a busy week this week with all of these decisions) that I am going to break my weekly performance into three areas and assign a letter grade to each area, much like a beat writer grades his team's performance. Now the anticipation must be killing you as to what three areas I might be breaking down. Now if you had paid attention in health class and read my email carefully last week, you would know that a key to healthy living is to eat right and......exercise. Those two make up 2/3 of my categories with the 3rd area being Overall performance. These grades for each week will be tracked through my weight loss spreadsheet and by following me through this journey I will be able to prove/disprove the healthy eating + exercise = healthy living/weight loss theory.

Once again, if you had been paying attention last week you would have noticed that I did not give my weight out during my diatribe. That is because I am too embarrassed and am afraid that you will all mock me and I am a real sensitive person. I never get made fun and by letting the world (consisting of you loyal readers) know my level of obesity I am opening myself to ridicule which I am just not sure if I can handle. Alright, your persistence has hammered it out of me, my weight last week (measured in the morning in absence of clothing) was a whopping 237.2!!!! I know it isn't quite at my career high of 261.1 achieved on January 1st, 2007 and isn't even an 1/8 of  ton, but the idea here is to be a little preemptive people.

Here is the skinny (yes, pun intended) on my Week 1 performance.

Exercise - D-
So you can go back and view the transcripts from last week and you would see that I vowed to run at least 20 miles a week and this week I failed, but there are a couple of reasons excuses for me not reaching my stated goal. First, the DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness - thanks Micah for that term) really kicked in after my 26.2 miles of fun on Sunday 10/10/10. It was all I could muster up to get out of bed walking the next few days after let alone hitting the pavement for some maintenance miles. I did say a few days, not a week so I could have attained my goal with some miles on Thursday-Sunday but I have found that I am very convincing to myself. Second, thanks to Craig and his construction my favorite running routes have been obstacles the past month and a half so rather than find new routes I have chosen the route to the couch. Don't fear though, construction has finally ceased until the spring so that excuse has been eliminated. I was able to get out for a little over 7.5 miles on Saturday so I can't give myself an F when there was at least one run in the mix. If there was someway to broadcast this warning to the commuters in Morton, I would love to broadcast this message: If traveling between the hours of 5:45 am and 7 am on Mondays-Fridays and Saturday and Sunday mornings look out for the person struggling through the streets at a snail's pace. There is a reason that these commuters need to be on the lookout. I have certain running shorts that I wear on my runs that may be short for most people's taste (especially when I have speed skater thighs like JMC). It was a rather rude awakening on Saturday when I put on the aforementioned runners' shorts and they turned into biker shorts (yes, Spandex). If you can imagine (I'm not sure you want to) I looked something along the lines of this: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Q9OHLA5zjkU/THoc3bDk7FI/AAAAAAAAH7I/InqTWN-ARJc/s1600/Fat+Guy+In+Spandex.jpg. Now for the obvious reasons, if a driver were to see that running down the road it may lead to uncontrollable heaving, which can truly be a road hazard.

Eating - C
First, the positives. I cut back significantly on the amount I ate during the week and my body was not a storage location for everything that I could fit in it. I was also able to limit my fountain soda to 1 during the week which was a drastic drop from my previous week's total of 32 (only joking...sort of). Everything was smooth sailing until Friday at work. You should know that every Friday morning one person is in charge of bringing in breakfast for everybody. Our theory on the third floor is if you don't eat it then people are going to stop bringing it in. I normally eat a lion's share so to stop eating the breakfast provided altogether would throw off the whole order of things. I have to ease my way out of the breakfast club. I was able to limit myself to one square of a casserole (probably a 3in x 2.5in square). Then of course a woman celebrated her birthday on Friday so she brought in a wonderful treat. If I were to not eat that then she would feel bad so I had a small square of that dessert. And Friday night's at Larson Manor usually consist of Papa Murphy's pizza accompanied by a free dessert pizza. For $11 this meal is enough to feed an army so as you can imagine we had plenty of leftovers (limited myself to 3 slices of each pizza - regular pizza slices were of course larger). Jamie also lured me into unhealthy eating with her caramel corn on Thursday night which translated into having enough to indulge on until Sunday. Much like Classic Lays, "I bet you can't eat just one" and that bet would have been won. Saturday night we had a bon fire at Northwoods Park and I am sure everyone can agree, you are not having a bon fire without roasting 'mallows (limited myself to 3 or 4...who's counting). Sunday was a return to normalcy with my eating. So all-in-all it could have been a lot worse. There were some weak moments but definitely an improvement over my eating last week. The voices in my head informing me that I was going to have to divulge what I ate definitely were heard but were able to be ignored at times.

Overall - D+
My weight this morning (as before sans clothes and before a run) was 235.4 bringing my weight loss for the week in at 1.8 lbs. I thought I did a nice job of reeling the eating in a little bit but there is definitely some room for improvement. I am still trying to get used to the "it's okay to be hungry" mantra whereas before I thought if I satisfied my hunger and than doubled the amount I ate in the same sitting it would eliminate hunger from ever rearing its ugly head ever again. While losing lbs is always nice, it would have been nice to see a larger loss than the one I witnessed this week but I have a feeling better things are yet to come when I throw a little exercise into the mix.

While maybe not what I expected for the week, a loss is a loss and when you are my weight anything and everything counts. Coming next week is a marathon wrap-up (I know it was last weekend so it should come in this edition)  and my previously mentioned weight loss and grading chart but your attention spans only last about 25 minutes so I am sure I have used all of that up with this novel.

Thanks for reading and as always, please feel free to make comments and/or suggestions as you follow my trek towards a physically fit body.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead

Where It All Began

Well, I come to you all with GREAT news. Jamie is .............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................pregnant with great ideas for crafts for her 1st grade class. The real reason for this email is an opportunity for you all to help me out. And below is your opportunity:


More certain than the turn of the seasons is the large weight gain that can be witnessed by those who come in contact with me. They say that you can tell the character of a person by what they do when their mom is not around. Well with me, you can tell how fat I am getting by what I am stuffing in my face when no one is around. Brought on by the early onslaught of soda that I have been slurping down daily, the weight gain has started a little prematurely this year. After I dominated my no soda bet with Jamie (man are those sunglasses amazing) I have been on a pretty incredible pace for soda consumption. As most of you know, when I start downing the soda, the weight is added on about a 1:1 basis (1 oz of soda = .1 oz weight gain). For most people who know the cause of this unfortunate experience, it may keep them from drinking the dark juice, but as you all know, I am not most people. So I keep chugging away and these pants keep getting tighter and tighter, the belt loop gets higher and higher and eventually I am back at the point that I was the year before and I start the cycle over again.


So as you read this you may be asking yourself a few questions, and I will try to answer those thoughts dancing in your head before you even ask:


Question #1 - "How do I have the opportunity to help Axel out?


Let me start off by saying, that is a great question. The answer is really simple. Nothing. My plan is to send out an email each week detailing the junk food that I ate each day of the week (see my bolded quote above). It is so easy to eat those 3 (alright maybe 5) doughnuts when nobody knows that you are eating it. By emailing you my junk diary (see title of email) I will be holding myself accountable for the crap I try to sneak into my mouth.


Question #2 - "Why don't you do another bet?"


As you all my know, I lost the last bet I had (about a 12-week bet) by a average to above average size bowel movement. I credit Mr. Loudermilk for losing the necessary pounds to defeat me in the our bet, but it kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. Is it worth the risk of losing money so I can lose weight only to have it off for a few months before I get back to business and gain it back. I have one person who would say that it is not (you'll have to guess who it is because they will remain anonymous). I am hopeful that this will have the same effect as a bet only with habits forming that will last a lot longer.


Question #3 - "How long do I have to put up with your emails?"

My plan is to have the "Diaries of Mr. Lemonhead" run through the end of the year. By my count that would be 12 "entries" from me. You don't have to read them each week because you may not be that interested in what I eat and how my life is going. Hopefully in these weekly editions I can provide some humor that just may brighten your day. As most of you know there always seems to be a black cloud hanging over my head (unfortunately it is large enough to share with Jamie) so at least you will have the opportunity to laugh at my misfortunes. There is no unsubscribing to my weekly entries, your only option will be delete.

Questions #4 - "What is Mr. Lemonhead?"


This, my friends, is an ingenious name that I made up for myself. I have often described the effects of me drinking soda as if somebody has stuck a chuck in my neck and pumped me full of air. If you need an example of what I am talking about you can pretty much look at any picture of me in the winter months. Often times I don't realize until I see a picture (a la my license last year). If you need  a refresher on Mr. Lemonhead please copy
on paste the web address: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Dt660Kmq4fM/TEyR-B_Uq3I/AAAAAAAAAAM/LQJDoir8d2s/s320/Image-Mvg-MrLemonhead+20100725.gif That right there is about what I look like in the winter but substitute the yellow pigment with my pale white skin.


Question #5 - "What is in it for me?"


If this plan works you have the satisfaction of knowing that you helped me lose weight and keep my scale from entering the territory of morbidly obese. Despite my joking about it and lack of discipline to do anything about, it really does suck being fat and the cycle of fat and not-as-fat can get old after a while. So there really is nothing in it for you, my audience, rather than an occasional laugh and the ability to mock me and my weight and any missteps that I may have in my march toward a physically fit body (biggest joke of the email).


Question #6 - "What is your plan?"

You are really drilling me with these mental questions of yours. My plan is limit (notice I didn't say eliminate) my intake of soda/pop/carbonated beverages to a maximum of 2 fountain sodas a week and limit my after dinner dessert (thanks Bethels for that habit) to one small piece of whatever the Mrs. may have bought or made. By journaling to you the garbage that I put into my mouth each week it will cut out all of the snacking that I do at work (the real killer). As we all have been well versed, the key to a healthy living is to eat right and.....exercise. There are periods of time where I am really good at doing this but most of the time it is a struggle because that couch is too darn comfortable. I have been making the 5:45 switch to the couch so frequently now that I have foregone the going to the bathroom and trying to wake myself up to heading straight for the couch for another good hour and fifteen minutes of sleep. So with this being said, I vow to partake in at least 20 miles of running each week (this would also help me reach my goal of 1,000 miles of running for the year - only took my 3 years to finally reach it). I have a workout blog that will keep track of my workouts for proof that I am keeping my end of the bargain.

Question #7 - "What is your goal?"

Ideally, my goal would be to be able to get down or below 200 lbs. Alright...stop lauging...seriously enough is enough. I know, I know, I know I haven't been that weight since 5th grade (ok maybe high school) but I really think if this works like I think it will then it may be a possibility. At the beginning of 2010 I made a personal goal of weighing less than 225 lbs on 12/31/10 so I will put that as my goal for this little experiment. Jamie tries to help me with my unhealthy eating but this beast (my unhealthy eating habits) is much too strong for one person to contain. Maybe even more than some weight goal, my goal is to maintain some kind of healthy living/eating habits so me trying to lose weight and stay under 1/8 of a ton is not an annual tradition like it seems to have become.

Question #8 - "What is going to be in your emails?"

That may be the trickiest part of the whole deal. I haven't quite figured out what I am going to say each week other than, I ate how a normal person might and lost weight or I was up to my old bag of tricks again and gained weight. It will also give me an opportunity to fill you all in on the Lives and Times of Axel Larson. I will try to not make every email in my battle against obesity a novel, but I am only human and sometimes can not contain everything that I want to say in a concise manner. 

Question #9 - "How long until I can unsubscribe?"

Unfortunately for you all, there is no way to unsubscribe. You do have the ability to delete and any point in time but imagine all the water cooler talk that you will miss out by prematurely sending me and my words to your trash bin.

Thank you for your help and look forward to your responses.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead