Diary Entry #7

Welcome everyone to the mystical land of the 220's. It is a land that is foreign to Mr. Lemonhead during this time of year and is usually only frequented during the late spring and summer. After keeping true to my promise of 2 consecutive 30-mile weeks I have finally broken that 230.0 barrier and welcomed myself to the Land of the Skinny (ok, maybe I'm getting a little carried away...the Land of the Not-So-Obese). Being that this is a holiday week I am going to try to keep this short (stop laughing please) so you can start preparing your meals for the feasts that are to come. With that being said, let's get this thing rolling.

This week I was told somebody in the family who shall remain anonymous (his name might rhyme with Laid Coudermilk) that the Mr. Lemonhead diaries were purely for show and the laughter and smiles that it may bring to those who are able to spend the 3 hours to read each entry. Well I guess you could consider me guilty as charged on all accounts. But what Craig (oops...his name was revealed but we all know Craig doesn't read and wouldn't have been able to get this far anyways) doesn't realize is that without this forum to reveal my eating for the week and the exercise log things would be much worse than what you see. So while yes, I do enjoy the opportunity to be funny, this is also an opportunity for you to help make me accountable for everything that I stuff into my mouth and after this week's results you will see that it is working (how about that for a segway). For those that can recall that far back you will recall that last week I weighed in at a barely-there 231.2 lbs. After some hard work out on the pavement this week and controlling the intake of large amounts of calories I weighed in this week (sans clothes) at a boney 227.6. I know I will have the opportunity to see you all this week so for those that I haven't seen me recently I will most likely have to re-introduce myself because you won't even recognize me after I have reshaped my body. Now that the cat is out of the bag let's take a look at how Mr. Lemonhead was able to pull off such a feat. 

Exercise - A

As I mentioned earlier, this week I was able to get out of bed and put my left foot in front of my right for 30.11 miles. I went on four runs of 7.50 miles or slightly more on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. The runs are starting to get easier although I need to take back all the good things I said in a previous entry about the end of Daylight Savings Time and the mornings getting brighter earlier because that excitement lasted for about 1 week and now we are back to it starting to get light at about 6:40. I was also able to participate in a little basketball open gym on Sunday for about an hour which allowed for a little exercise after the previous 36 hours being spent on the road and in Chicago. Back to back weeks of "A's" for exercise and I am starting to get my confidence up a little bit.

Eating - B

I am not giving myself a "B" for the fact that I was able to resist all things delicious but I am giving myself this evaluation because for the first time since I have been penning these diaries it seems as if my will power (or your voices in my head) is starting to kick in and I am not going crazy on the things that I most enjoy. Some of the lowlights of my week consisted of eating too much Taco Pizza from Pizza Ranch on Wednesday night and having a pork tenderloin and cheese curds followed by a small Reese's Pieces and cookie dough concrete from Culver's. Some of the highlights were actually ordering a single cheese burger rather than a double cheeseburger at Portillo's (remember it's the small victories) on Sunday night and eating beef stew during the week. Beef stew was definitely not a highlight for the fact that I was able to eat it but it was a highlight due to the fact that by eating it I totally eliminated any hunger I had at all due to the fact that I was sick to my stomach from eating such a cuisine. 

Overall - B+

After significant strides being made the past two weeks in the above categories and a 3+ pound loss for the past week I can't help but give myself a B+ for the week. The key now must be to maintain this positive momentum (remember one of Newtons' laws regarding an object in motion!) through Thanksgiving and into the dreaded weight month of December. One thing is for sure though, we have this caboose moving in the right direction and it is thanks to you fine readers that I am able to do so.

With all of this said, the week of Thanksgiving brings the Collins family to God's country and with that comes Jennifer Mae and her unhealthy obsession with fountain sodas. I don't want to be the one to miss out on all of the fun so for this week and this week only (until Christmas) I am going to lift the 2 fountain soda restraining order and live a little. So I guess for next week you will be able to see which is more important to the hard-to-achieve weight loss, healthy eating or exercise. 

I believe I was somewhat able to limit my thoughts for this week and provide you with a holiday gift of my own. As always, thank you for reading and please feel free to provide any comments or suggestions as you follow my expedition towards the land of the 210's.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead

Diary Entry #6

Hello there again. It may seem like you just finished entry #5 due to my inability to stick to the established guidelines for getting Mr. Lemonhead’s material out to you, but as promised #6 (almost the half-way point, can you believe it?) is published for your enjoyment. This past week brought signs of encouragement as I was able to battle the urge to fill my body with carbonated products and I was even able to curb my appetite (don’t worry, it is all relative) for a little while. For those that can’t remember (it was 4 days ago) I vowed last week to run 2 consecutive weeks of 30+ miles and by Thanksgiving I would be tipping the scales at a tiny 229.9 lbs or less. After one week, I can tell you proudly that I have made progress towards both of those goals and am right on track to be able to show myself come the Day of Giving Thanks and all the festivities that surround that holiday. It seems that my insightful thoughts/ideas are running dry so you may be in luck as this week the entry could possibly be read in less than 10 minutes (but I wouldn’t hold your breath). With the excitement brewing and I am sure the anticipation killing you as to what this past week had in store for me I’ll get things rolling.


For those of you keeping track at home, last week I weighed in at a gi-normous 233.2 lbs (which was celebrated as a small victory at the Larson Manor because it could have been much worse). This week after some hard work and dedication I was able to slim down to a petite 231.2 lbs (sans clothes). The key to this week was diversity. For the first time since I started penning these diaries I was able to do more than just run. I actually played a little basketball on Sunday night and threw in a walk as well. It doesn’t seem like much but just like those fountain sodas, every little bit counts. Two years ago for my birthday (yes we are indeed in the month of my birth already – and it’s half over) I received a Wii as well as the Wii Fit. Last night I stepped on it for the first time since March of 2009 and you will be happy to know that I have lost 3.3 lbs since then (it’s the small victories). Wii was also able to confirm what I have been saying all along in that I am indeed obese. I know I pass the eye test of an obese individual but it was nice to see it confirmed via a videogame. That led me to a great idea, now included in my weight loss chart will be my weekly BMI (the true indicator of my fatness) brought to you via Nintendo Wii Fit. This allows for a great opportunity to make another promise that will keep pushing me more towards the overweight side of the fatness spectrum rather than the obese. The vow is this my good friends: Come December 25th, 2010 you will not be able to look at Mr. Lemonhead and see an obese individual and in his place you will see someone who is merely overweight (once again it is the small victories). Now that I have got your interest peaked with yet another guarantee let’s take a look at the breakdown of my week.

Exercise – A
I bet you never thought that you would be seeing that magical letter up there. I can honestly tell you that I wasn’t so sure that I would either. This week I was able to go out and hit the pavement 5 days out of 7 (71.4% of the days) for a total of 34.66 miles. You got it, that is not a typo, I exceeded my stated goal by 13.4%. There was a time during one of my runs where I could have sworn that my pants were going to start on fire. When you thighs are tree trunks like mine there is often a large amount of friction that occurs while moving my legs back and forth quickly. I don't know if it is because normally I am breathing so hard that I can't hear the sound of the friction but on this particular run I must have been feeling pretty good because that wish wash was definitely audible. I thought it was only a matter of time before smoke started coming up and where there is smoke there is fire. Thankfully for all parties involved, the cold dampness of the air must have kept it from combusting and I was able to continue on without incident. Last week I rehashed my running of the Canal Connection, well here it is in a photo: My running of the canal connection last week (don't look at the face, they must have photoshopped somebody else's onto my body). My runs this week were 6 miles on Monday, 6 miles on Wednesday, 10 miles on Thursday (I love being a banker and getting Veterans' Day off), 6 miles on Saturday and 6 miles on Sunday. I even got up at 6:00 am on Saturday morning so that I could get that run in. As mentioned earlier, on Sunday night I participated in about 2 hours of basketball activities. For the most part I was able to run up and down the court but I am definitely not in basketball shape, so for about the last 45 minutes it was more of a job/walk up and down the court. Exercise is still exercise and I was feeling pretty good about myself. Now that we are on a high from that "A" seen above let's get to the real struggle.

Eating – C

Monday started off a little rough as I was able to eat my lunch at work but the evenings festivities took me to my first Illinois basketball game of the year. I left work at 4:40 to allow for enough time to get to the Assembly Hall, which meant there was no time for a Larson Family dinner. In it's place was a small 4" round pizza (of the Domino's variety) and a jalapeño cheese pretzel. This is where the real will power came into effect as I was not allowed the necessary carbonated beverages to wash down that delicious meal but instead was forced to drink water from the water fountain. Not quite as satisfying as one might think and definitely not the topper that one might look for after such a meal. Thankfully that was all the damage that was done on Monday. On Tuesday I was once again able to limit myself to eating my lunch at work and when I got home I was on my own for dinner. Normally this means that I am stopping by QDoba or Dominos but you are reading about a new me. Instead of the filth that I would normally partake in, I instead went with a partial box of pasta with spaghetti sauce topped with mozzarella and cheddar sprinkle cheese (no I didn't eat the whole box of pasta even though I came close...remember its the small victories). Dessert was two sugar cookies that Jamie brought home for me to enjoy. Wednesday was a different story as someone once again had the nerve to bring in a box of Trefzger's turnovers and I had to indulge in two of them. This was followed with the #2 lunch special at Buffalo Wild Wings (8 boneless wings with potato wedges and a lemonade - remember no C3). Dinner at Larson Manor was a fine slice of lasagna from Michael's Italian Eatery and some excellent bread. Thursday was a solid day as I was able to enjoy my day off by working outside and staying out the kitchen. Friday was once again PNC breakfast day and yet another person brought in Trefzger's turnovers and I was forced yet again to eat 1 turnover and a decent size of one large turnover. All-in-all it was a pretty solid week of eating at the workplace though. Friday night I and the Bethel family went to Davis Brothers Pizza for some fine dining and I had a decent amount of thin crust pizza (pizza was cut in small pieces so there were too many to count). Saturday was tailgating again prior to and after the Illini's loss to the lowly Minnesota Gophers and during that time I had two doughnuts, chips and salsa/queso and dinner was the Bobo Burger (hamburger with BBQ brisket on top) with some wings and fries. Sunday brought about healthier eating and a relief from the fast food. There were definitely some moments were I could have eased off the gas a little bit on my mowing down of food, but you win some and you lose some.

Overall – B

Simple math tells you what the overall grade should be for the week. An "A" plus a "C" average out to a "B", right? By far I think this was my best performance of the time that we have been together. There was definitely a plus with the running and the eating was controlled with a few slip ups here and there. For the first time in a while, I am actually starting to believe that I can do this thing. Of course, usually when I start feeling like this I pull a muscle (I'm sorry I mean I outgrow my muscle as discussed in an earlier entry) or struggle with a bout of the lazies. With a solid week of exercise and not as unhealthy eating this coming week I can not wait to journal the excitement of seeing that scale read things that it has not been able to read in quite some time.

Now if you taking scrupulous notes on my progress, that is three weeks of weight loss and two weeks of gains. At least for one week positive strides are being taken and before you know it you won't even be able to recognize me and my new lean figure. If this week was this exciting I can't even imagine what next week is going to bring. I promised to keep it short and I can't tell if I did, so hopefully you didn't hold your breath (I told you so).

As always readers, thanks for your time and reading (or skimming probably at this point) and please feel free to make any comments or suggestions as I continue my campaign towards a visible rib cage.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead

Halloweak

Well here we are on Thursday morning and for the last 60 hours I’m sure that something has felt a little off. In case you hadn’t figured it out by now, what you were indeed missing was a little Mr. Lemonhead. For your angst and anticipation I will award you with a lengthened diary entry (you have to give the people what they want, right?) from yours truly. Before we kick things off there are a few items of discussion that I just need to get out of the way. First, I vowed last week to keep my consumption of fountain sodas to a total of 0 oz. for the week. And I must maintain that I was able to keep off the “fountain soda”, however, I was not able to keep from consuming Coca Cola Classic from the can. I know, it’s appalling but there is a good reason. I went to Chicago for a meeting and they catered in lunch and all the water had been consumed so there was nothing but soda for me to drink. It was either drink the soda, which I had vowed not to do, or take the risk of possibly dying from dehydration and I apologize because I chose the former. I'm sorry for choosing life. That led to one can and then I drank a second an hour or so later because the first was so delicious. I must admit that the second one was drunk with water being available so I did slip up. There was also another occurrence of my will power not being sufficient to resist the urge of the good stuff. The second offense took place after a hard run Canal Connection 10k. To quench my thirst and reward myself for a job well done I drank a can of Pepsi and a can of Mountain Dew.  I am sorry loyal readers (at least some of you are), but I am only human. While I’m putting myself through confessional here, I have another transgression to fess up. I vowed last week to put at a minimum of 30 miles on these legs and I failed to do so but that commentary will be written in its correct location. Now that I am feeling better about myself let’s move on to what keeps you reading.

This could best describe the week that I had that started with so much promise after getting through the Halloween festivities: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_WFsVtCoVVXQ/SleCt7n3WLI/AAAAAAAABKw/w9kaNMkkN24/s400/WheelsComingOff.jpg. For the purposes of this entry, I shall refer to the previous week as “Halloweak”. For both the holiday that we just passed and also for my weak will power in resisting all things tasty. For those that are keeping track at home, last week I weighed in at a hefty 233.0 lbs. I had high expectations for Halloweak but things don’t always go according to planned. As a result of the week’s activities the past week I tipped the scales at a whopping 233.2 lbs, a measly gain of 0.2 lbs for Halloweak. You are privileged that you are getting to witness a modern day miracle first hand because after Halloweak I thought I was going to have to report a significant weight gain in excess of 3 lbs. Maybe the effects of last week will hit me on next week’s weigh in so you will definitely have something to look forward to. That being said let’s take a look at what led to such grim comments from Mr. Lemonhead.



Exercise - F
You will have to forgive me because I broke a promise that I made last Monday (11/1) that I would hit the road for at least 30 miles over the course of the week. I made one grievous error in making that vow to you though. That error was that I forgot that I had a race on Sunday in which I had to taper for. For those of you that are not familiar with my training technique I am affectionately known as the “King of the Taper”. I follow a strategy that has very few followers and if I had to venture a guess, most of them are probably overweight. But that Taper strategy is quite simple…don’t run. A few amateurs may just try to cut back on their mileage to keep their legs fresh, but not this guy. What could possibly keep your legs fresher than letting them rest and relax in a recliner? That way there is absolutely no weight to bear. It is simply a brilliant plan if you ask me. So with the said taper plan in place I went on Sunday and ran a brilliant race finishing with a time of 44:58, with an average split of 7:12. There is no need to mention that about ½ to ¾ of the first mile is downhill which may lead to a modest decrease in that first mile time but overall I felt I ran a decent race for being slightly obese. I can only imagine what runners are thinking as I run ahead them with my pants riding up my legs and my feet plodding along, it really can’t be a good feeling. I guess I have been known to be the “King of the Taper” because I inevitably become lazy and don’t get out there and that was the case this week. Being that Daylight Savings Time had not ended it was basically dark until 8 in the morning, so being in complete darkness while running did not help my case at all. Thankfully all bad things must come to an end and I am able to enjoy a little sunlight in the morning now before I go to work and if I muster up enough will, enjoy it while I’m traversing the road. So in all, this week I ran a total of 1 day for a total of 6.214 miles. Next week will bring a better outcome and progress will be made.  



Eating - F
This is where Halloweak gets really ugly. The best thing may be that I am writing this on Thursday now and I have allowed myself to forget the pain that I put myself through last week. Monday was an alright day as I ate a footlong sub at Subway for lunch and I went with the chicken breast on wheat bread. That may not seem like a big change from my old eating habits but I am used to the Cold Cut Combo on asiago cheese bread with ranch dressing (of 30 grams of fat and about 800 calories). It’s baby steps my friends. When I came home I may have indulged a little too much on the candy treats, but when you are married to the Candy Queen, what choice do you really have? On Tuesday before dinner things went just fine as I ate my lunch at work and was able to survive the work day on that alone. I then traveled to Chicago, as mentioned earlier, on Tuesday night and that is where Halloweak really began. McDonald’s just brought the McRib sandwich back nationwide so Tuesday presented a perfect opportunity to partake in the delicious sandwich. So I ordered the Sandwich (of course it should be capitalized it is a proper noun) and a large fry. I avoided the meal because I couldn’t drink fountain soda due to that cursed weight gain the prior week so I was in a dilemma. What do I order to wash down that delicious sandwich and salty fries? To answer that question you have to think like the obese and once you are able to do that the answer is quite obvious. A large McFlurry!! That way I can quench my thirst with the milk contained in the ice cream as well as enjoy some wonderful dessert. Now you may be thinking, “That is not so bad,” and I would agree with you but then my coworkers get involved. One of my PNC brethren went up early and stopped at Giordano’s pizza for dinner and called when I was on my way to Chicago to ask if I cared for the 3 pieces of leftovers that he had. When asked what he would do with the leftovers if I didn’t take them he responded that he would throw them away and I just couldn’t let that happen. So I et him outside his room upon my arrival at the hotel and he gave me the goods. Once I got into the room and got situated I then wolfed down not 1, not 2, but all 3 pieces of the Chicago-style deep dish pizza (I just don’t understand why it is so hard to lose weight). The next day I ate the cookie that they gave me upon arrival the previous night for breakfast and went to the meeting. At the meeting I had a salad (can you believe it) two Panini’s that were slightly larger than the size of a post it, a large helping of macaroni and cheese, pasta salad, and a cookie along with the two cans of soda. On Tuesday night I had a New York Strip steak along with a baked potato and some vegetables. Let’s just say it was a tough trip to Chicago. On Thursday there was a return to normalcy as I once again ate my lunch at work and dinner at home. On Friday, (I still have not gotten over the habit of eating breakfast at work) I had over the course of the day 3 doughnuts, an asiago cheese bagel from Panera, broccoli cheese soup in a sourdough breadbowl, followed by Jimmy John’s Italian Night Club for dinner. All-in-all I would say it wasn’t a very good Friday. On Saturday, Jamie and I split a bag of Chicago mix Garrett popcorn for lunch (for those that haven’t had it it should definitely be on your bucket list of items to eat) along with a regular size Razmataz smoothie from Jamba Juice and I had to polish off about ¾ of Jamie’s Berry Fulfilling. For dinner we enjoyed the fine establishment of Wendy’s and I enjoyed 2 5-piece chicken nuggets and a Double with cheese washed down with a medium vanilla frosty of course. On Sunday I had a bowl of peanut butter Captain Crunch to power me up for my race and had two pieces of pizza after the race which of course were washed down with a can of Pepsi and a can of Mountain Dew for good measure. Thankfully on Sunday night I was able to limit 
myself to two grilled cheese sandies and a bowl of tomato soup.

Overall - F

With two F's for my previous grades I am not sure how I could justify anything other than an F for Halloweak. On the positive side of things, I only gained .2 lbs this week but on the negative side of things, I almost annihilated my body. The great news is that I have my loyal readers by my side who aren't going to let me do that to myself two weeks in a row. Even though by now this week is almost half hour I won't spoil anything for Monday's edition. I believe the saying is, "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again." In the spirit of that I now will make two vows for you to hold me to. First, I will not only run 30 miles this week but I will also put at a minimum of 30 miles on these tree trunks the following week as well. Just to make myself clear, I will be running at least 30 miles for the week of 11/8 and the week of 11/15. A pretty bold promise, I know, but sometimes you just have to stop messing around. My second vow to you is that by Thanksgiving I will have entered the land of the 220's. All bets are off during the days of the Thanksgiving celebrations, but at least you will be able to see some results prior to the festivities.

Well folks, I hope I provided a little glimpse into Halloweak and didn't make you all nauseous with the my large consumption of food as it almost made me sick thinking about it. So it has been two steps forward and now two steps back but thankfully my strides backwards have been smaller. I promise next week (although half over) will be brighter and for the first time in 3 weeks you will be cheering instead of booing my efforts or lack thereof.

As always, thanks for reading (hopefully not sleeping) and feel free to make any comments or suggestions as you follow my adventure towards the elusive land of the low 200's.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead

PS This week's late edition was due to me having a busy Monday at work followed by an Illini game taking up my Monday night, Tuesday at work I didn't have time and Tuesday night I was having writer's block (ok just laziness) and yesterday I composed some at work but was watching Heather's kids at night so I didn't have time to send it out so that is why you are getting this on this Veteran's Day morning. You, as my loyal readers, deserve better and in the future I will work diligently to make sure this terrible offense isn't repeated.

Diary Entry #4

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Weeks have passed and everyone may not have noticed but this world of ours became a better place about two weeks ago from last Saturday. On that fateful day, Grandpa did what all humans should strive to do, he rid this world of one more opossum. It was a battle of epic proportions and involved a little trickery, but Grandpa was up to the task and for this he deserves to be commended. So from the bottom of my heart and from all of my fellow opossum haters out there, thank you Grandpa for a job well done.
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Well, readers based on the lack of responses I received from my last novel, I take it either you are still reading edition #3 or have lost interest completely (I am guessing the former). Just when you thought you had a breather, Monday rolls around and BAM! I’m throwing edition #4 in your face. If your interest happens to be weaning, this week I will bring to your desktop tales of lost will power and overindulgence in all things delicious and most definitely un-nutritious.  To allow for a small break from my witty words I will try to shorten the length of my weekly diatribe. That being said, let’s get things started.

I had a rash of clever things to say about my weight having gone down this week, but unfortunately I had to play the week out and things didn’t turn out like I was hoping. As a reminder last week I weighed in at a minuscule 232.6 lbs (I know, I know, I promised to send the spreadsheet out last week on Tuesday but of course did not do so and karma has struck me back). As a result of not following through with my loyal readers (although the numbers may be dissipating) my weight ballooned to a husky 233 lbs (wow, that gasp was audible from here). As a result of my transgressions of our pact and a vow that I made in Week 2, I now have to spend a week without ingesting any carbonated beverages (wow, another audible gasp). There is no need to feel bad for me though as I am sure I will survive and if I don’t, isn’t death the quickest way to shed some pounds anyway? I wish there was some reason that I could give for the weight gain but alas all the blame falls on my shoulders. I had a collapse of epic proportions as I succumbed to the candy and cookies that somebody unknowingly was testing me with. Unfortunately, much like most of the tests I took my Senior and Super-Senior year of college, this was a test that I failed miserably. On a positive note, I was able to hold off on the candy and cookies for a period of 24 hours. If you were to place blame on somebody, it should be on my coworkers for not stepping up to the task at hand by eating 3 bags of candy, 2 boxes of cookies and 2 coffee cakes in the span of 24 hours. Who knows, if they would have helped my cause by eliminating all temptations I might have entered into the land of the 220’s this week. Every cloud has a silver lining though and I made it through one of the major overindulging holidays and have a 3 week break before entering the next one. This allows me the opportunity to trim that waistline of mine even further (come on size 36 pants!) before entering the Thanksgiving holiday and all the opportunities that it brings to widen my waistline (stay away size 42 pants!). Just to spice things up a little bit I will make another vow to you all. During the week of November 1- November 7, Mr. Lemonhead will put in 30 miles of pavement pounding (please hold your applause until that fantastic feat is accomplished). With that promise out there, let’s get to my weekly critiquing.

Exercise – B -
Things weren’t all that bad this week as I was able to run 4 days this week and put in 22.97 miles. Laziness once again was a factor as one morning I basically laid on the couch awake for an hour after my normal 5:45 wake up call rather than going out for my run. I ran 6 on Monday, 6 on Friday, 3 on Saturday and almost 9 on Sunday. The most impressive event was the waking up at 6 (a.m. not p.m., this isn’t Jamie we are talking about here) for a 3 mile run before heading to the tailgating festivities for the Fighting Illini vs. Boilermakers football game. I did have a little scare on my Sunday run as some dog in the country must have thought that I was a running chew toy as he made a quick dash for me. Thank goodness that I am a tough mean guy and that dog knew who he was messing with (was it bad that I was hoping for a car to zip by and take care of my unwanted long-run guest?) for that dog backed away once I barked back at him. Okay, so maybe I picked up the pace a little bit to save my legs from being eaten by a boxer. The dog was probably harmless but every dog that you encounter out on the road by yourself seems like a raging pit bull. All in all, I am pleased with the progress that I am making and am still on track for my goal of 1,000 miles in 2010. I know if it weren't for these diaries I would be waking up for about 2 minutes and deciding that it was either: A. Too cold B. Too windy C. Too rainy D. Too dark or E. Too early. My runs are getting to the point where they are not so laborious and the miles are quickening. Things aren't all that bad for Mr. Lemonhead.

Eating - F 

So if I were to grade Monday through Wednesday (also taking out the 4 Sloppy Joe's eaten on Monday night) I may have given myself a B or B+ even, but unfortunately a week isn't made up of three days. It all started going downhill on Wednesday when I decided that a fountain soda normally contains 32 oz, so at Chili's I could have a refill of my 16 or so ounce glass once. When you throw in an all you can eat chips and salsa, how is any person supposed to contain themselves? My struggle with how to define a fountain (remember my limit of two) will continue throughout the 12 week period (I will most likely err on the side of what works best for me). On Thursday at noon it marked the end of the 24 hour cease-eating and the gloves came off and in about a 10 minute period I had managed to eat 2 cookies, 2 kit kats, 2 Reese's Fast Breaks and two packages of M&M's. The feel good story of the day was when I went to Huck's to enjoy the second of my two fountain soda allowance with my 52 oz mug in hand but at the eleventh hour showed my intestinal fortitude to put the mug down and go with my 32 oz "standard" fountain soda (I'm no hero, I put on my pants one leg at a time just like all of you). On Friday somebody had the audacity to bring in an egg, cheese, sausage, and hash brown casserole along with little biscuits like those at Red Lobster and brownies. My awesome eating continued its roll (no pun intended) with the consumption of 2 pieces of the casserole, 3 biscuits, and 4 brownies throughout the course of a day. Most mortals may limit themselves to that, but not this guy, who then decided that Taco Bell sounded tasty and went and got myself 3 supreme soft shell tacos. And of course, no different than the previous 3 entries, Friday night is Papa Murphy's night and I indulged with 4 pieces of pizza and 4 pieces of dessert pizza. Saturday of course was a football Saturday which consisted of a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit and egg McMuffin from McDonald's and a double slice of Domino's pizza at halftime. I then proceeded to go home and have two pieces of Papa Murphy's leftovers along with trying every piece of candy in Larson Manor that I had resisted for the past 2 weeks. Then we had a halloween party on Saturday night (I was a mustachioed referee) and I struggled to eat everything I could with my whiskers joining every bite. Thankfully Sunday allowed myself a reprieve from all the harm that I had done to my body the previous 3 days. I guess to sum up my week of eating would best be described with one of Newton's Laws. An object at rest will stay at rest and an object in motion will stay in motion unless acted on by an outside force. Over that 3 day period my friends, I was that object in motion and there were no outside forces acting up it. Let's just hope that that object will stay at rest before being put into motion for the Holiday season.

Overall - D

If I were to continue on that path that I went down over that three day period I don't think I would be allowed on the Bethel's boat next summer because here would be the result: http://blogs.nyu.edu/blogs/jtb292/farts/wm-ss-fat-guy.jpg Thankfully I was able to overcome that episode and get back on track. It is pretty tough to lose any sort of weight when you put your body through that, so I can't be too generous with my overall grade this week. The best news is that all bad things must come to an end and I can wash my hands clean of last week and put together a solid week this week while putting together both 7 days of healthy eating and 30 miles of exercise. Yes, my loyal readers, better things are yet to come and you get to experience them with me.

I promised to keep this entry short, but unfortunately when you put all the garbage into my mouth that I did this week it is tough to accomplish such a task. Oh well, maybe next week.

As always thanks for reading and feel free to share any comments or suggestions as I continue my quest towards a physically fit physique.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead

Diary Entry #3

Well, here we are, another Monday and another 2 hours of my day that I need to spend putting together a diary entry. Once again this week had some highs and some lows but, most importantly, Mr. Lemonhead is moving in the right direction. After 2 entries thus far, I now realize why I didn't go into the writing profession. What is going to go into my next entry seems to be all that consumes me and my thoughts (I try to squeeze a little work thoughts in). Let's get down to business.
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MARATHON UPDATE!!
I know it has been over two weeks since that wonderful Sunday morning/afternoon on 10/10/10 but some of you haven't had the opportunity to run walk the race vicariously through me so I will provide you that chance here. As most of you know my training for the Mother Road Marathon was going swimmingly for the first two months and I had not missed a day (I even ran every day on vacation, yes I know, even I can't believe it either). I was doing a speed workout on the track and was about halfway through when the 'ole hammy tightened up on me. We all know that stretching is overrated and doesn't cure the pulling of muscles, so the obvious reason for this unfortunate circumstance is my bones are still growing but unfortunately my muscles have stopped growing so the result is frequent pulled/strained muscles. This could be the only reason I could think of. So after that event and the month that ensued that I had to take off to let it heal, I started drinking pop again and the laziness kicked into high gear. So on that Sunday morning I was staring down the start line after the beautiful National Anthem sang by the winner of the 4 States Idol competition herself, knowing that I was in for a battle. I started off pretty well at a 8:38-8:45 pace for the first 13 miles but was thrown off by the lack of a water stop at MM 14 (they had them placed every two miles prior to this mishap) and by the time I reached the next one at the 15.25 mile mark I was telling myself I needed a walk break (I told you before I am very convincing). After that the race part of the marathon was all but over. For the next 10+ miles I managed to run a half mile here or there but more often than not I was enjoying the scenery of Kansas/Missouri at my own leisurely pace. I discovered during this time that hills aren't that intimidating if you don't run them. Taking multiple cups of water/gatorade at each hydration station - it was 80+ degrees during the race - (had to make sure I was properly hydrated for this fast-paced walk I was on) I strategically drank at a pace that once I was finished with my refreshments I was allowed a small period of running before the next station. To sum up how the race went I guess you could use this formula: Hilly + Hot +Out of Shape = 4:32:48. That was a new PW (personal worst) by close to 15 minutes. But I did finish and was also told by at least 5-7 spectators along the course that I had the coolest shoes by far in the marathon, so everything wasn't all that bad.

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Back to the reason that you tune in every Monday, how my attempt to crawl back to weight respectability fared this week. As a reminder, last week I tipped the scales at a not-so-light 235.2 (see attached chart) and after weighing myself this morning (sans clothes and pre-run once again) I weighed a slim 232.6. I was feeling pretty good about myself and ventured out on a 6.17 mile run through the mist and darkness that was this morning. The meat grinder (my intestinal track during runs) really went to work during those 50+ minutes. My confidence was booming with my weight loss this week and then I sit down on my throne (post-run) with my not so good posture which or course contracts the space in which my belly is allowed to roam and it made me realize that I am still bordering on M.O. (morbid obesity). There is a lot of fat around this waist left, so much in fact, that for Halloween I could probably wear all white clothes and definitely double as the Michelin Man: http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/02_02/michelin2DM1402_228x299.jpg (this could have been my picture taken during the Mother Road Marathon Marathon, who knows?) So despite my success the past two weeks I realize that it is a long road ahead to my ultimate goal of 200 lbs (1/10 of a ton sounds so much better than 1/8 doesn't it?). Let's get to my weekly grades.

Exercise - C
I met my previously stated goal of at least 20 miles barely with a weekly total of 20.48 miles. The saying is "C's Get Degrees" but in my case C's aren't going to get me very far (worked for me in college though!). At least I am getting back into the habit of making the pit stop at the rest room before I either A) get dressed for a run or B) head to the couch to take care of some unfinished business. It is sitting on my throne that the couch seems to be playing the role of Mr. Tumnus in The Lion, Witch and The Wardrobe, and I, the role of Lucy Pevensie. Just the mere thought of it starts lulling me to sleep and it is all I can do to wake up out of the trance before it is too late. The bathroom in the morning seems to be the opposite of Narnia whereas, I feel like I am in there for 3 minutes and I get out and 10-15 minutes has passed by and I have passed the window of opportunity to go on my run. I still garnered enough courage to hit the pavement on Monday, Thursday and Sunday. Not what I was hoping for, but at least I was able to meet my goal. It is amazing that I haven't hurt myself seriously out there yet. I don't know how, but somehow the Clutz gene bypassed all the other three children in the Larson family and as a result I got all of what the others are missing. Last Saturday I somehow recovered after finding a way to step in a hole (our neighbors yard is the equivalent of a mine field of holes) and rolled the ankle. Every run I go on I manage to step on a stick or stone that turns my ankle or step halfway off the paved side of the road. Growing up I managed to make yearly trips to the ER (yes I know Micah had a couple more serious trips, but that is just a result of him being stupid). Why did I get this cursed gene? But despite all of this, nothing ever turns out serious and I have no excuse to use for not getting out and exercising.

Eating - C
Another week and I am starting to feel some progress in the direction of "it's okay to be hungry". My eating at work has subsided nicely but it is the eating at home that has to be curbed (who is paying Jamie to encourage me to enjoy the fined baked goods at our house so that I have to recount those same things for the public to enjoy?). I was once again able to limit myself to the 2 fountain soda restriction that I placed on myself. Before I go any further, I must admit that one of those fountain sodas happened to be placed in a 52 oz Lambert's mug. So while I did limit myself to 2 drinks, one might have been a little bigger than your standard fountain soda. Now that I have that off my chest, I can continue. Monday's eating was normal but Tuesday's festivities threw a wrench into my healthy eating plans, Julie Bethel hosting Bunko. Everyone knows that when the Bunko B's invade the Bethel household on Monday night there are troughs of food for the B's to enjoy. Whatever they do not wipeout (they can do some serious damage) is there for the rest of the immediate family to enjoy the day after. So, on Tuesday night I feasted on an assortment of unhealthy things, which was a great topper to my day after a lunch of Chipotle (standard order of steak burrito with no beans, easy on the rice, corn salsa and extra sour cream and cheese). Wednesday and Thursday I was back to my new habits but Friday once again meant breakfast at work (a little biscuits and gravy) followed by the Larson Friday night fall/winter/spring tradition...Papa Murphy's. I must admit I did have four pieces but instead of going with the dessert pizza, we went with the tub of cookie dough and I had some of that instead. In the end I would say that it was on par with my consumption of Papa Murphy's the previous week. On Saturday, the Illinois dominated the Hoosiers, which for me means tailgating, which for you translates into one doughnut for breakfast, two bratwursts, potato chips, two helpings of some delicious pasta salad and a brownie for dessert for lunch. Saturday evening and Sunday for lunch were leftover Papa Murphy's and Sunday night was tacos (might of splurged and had 3 soft shell (small tortillas) and 1 hard shell). Overall, I was say a decent week of eating but just like my exercise, there is plenty of room for improvement.

Overall - C
Due to the length of my previous two categories, I will keep my overall grade commentary pretty simple. The miles are still a struggle to get through (not out there enough to become routine) and there are some days when I get home from work andif someone were to be watching me they would definitely be impressed with the quickness that I am able to throw things into my mouth and the quickness demonstrated when one food source diminishes as I seamlessly move to my next target. It is definitely still a work in progress, but if that weren't the case, then I wouldn't be penning you this diary entry.

We are getting there readers and thanks for enjoying me on the way.

As usual, thanks for reading and please feel free to share any thoughts or comments that you may have as you witness first hand my march towards weight respectability.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead

P.S. I usually write these emails at work and send them from home and I of course forgot to attach the spreadsheet to my email to this account. My apologies and an addendum to Diary entry #3 will be sent out tomorrow.

P.S.S The "JMC" referred to in last week's edition were the initials of Jenny Marie Collins

Diary Entry #2

Well I hope I didn't keep you all on the edge of your seats anxiously awaiting Edition II of the Diaries of Mr. Lemonhead. Hopefully your patience will be rewarded. Without further ado here is the 2nd edition.

I think I had given more thought to what I was going to say in my inaugural email (yes I know I am pathetic, I had been thinking about it for a couple weeks) than to what I was actually going to do. Do I write down everything I eat? Is there some sort of penalty for me ignoring those talking people on my shoulder (were there but not loud enough this week)? This epic battle with obesity (possibly of the morbid variety) is going to be constantly changing from week to week in an effort to keep you, my readers and voices in my head, on your toes. For the time being, I have decided not to jot down all the junk I eat (unless things get real nasty and I need to) and to give you a summary of my overall week with a couple highlights. I have also decided that I tend to be motivated by reward/punishment so I have decided for the weeks that I don't lose weight I will forego my allowance of two delicious carbonated beverages. I know you feel that I am being too hard on myself by depriving my body of the biggest selling soft drink and most popular product in history (thanks Coca Cola for that tidbit of information) but desperate times call for desperate measures. I have also decided (a busy week this week with all of these decisions) that I am going to break my weekly performance into three areas and assign a letter grade to each area, much like a beat writer grades his team's performance. Now the anticipation must be killing you as to what three areas I might be breaking down. Now if you had paid attention in health class and read my email carefully last week, you would know that a key to healthy living is to eat right and......exercise. Those two make up 2/3 of my categories with the 3rd area being Overall performance. These grades for each week will be tracked through my weight loss spreadsheet and by following me through this journey I will be able to prove/disprove the healthy eating + exercise = healthy living/weight loss theory.

Once again, if you had been paying attention last week you would have noticed that I did not give my weight out during my diatribe. That is because I am too embarrassed and am afraid that you will all mock me and I am a real sensitive person. I never get made fun and by letting the world (consisting of you loyal readers) know my level of obesity I am opening myself to ridicule which I am just not sure if I can handle. Alright, your persistence has hammered it out of me, my weight last week (measured in the morning in absence of clothing) was a whopping 237.2!!!! I know it isn't quite at my career high of 261.1 achieved on January 1st, 2007 and isn't even an 1/8 of  ton, but the idea here is to be a little preemptive people.

Here is the skinny (yes, pun intended) on my Week 1 performance.

Exercise - D-
So you can go back and view the transcripts from last week and you would see that I vowed to run at least 20 miles a week and this week I failed, but there are a couple of reasons excuses for me not reaching my stated goal. First, the DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness - thanks Micah for that term) really kicked in after my 26.2 miles of fun on Sunday 10/10/10. It was all I could muster up to get out of bed walking the next few days after let alone hitting the pavement for some maintenance miles. I did say a few days, not a week so I could have attained my goal with some miles on Thursday-Sunday but I have found that I am very convincing to myself. Second, thanks to Craig and his construction my favorite running routes have been obstacles the past month and a half so rather than find new routes I have chosen the route to the couch. Don't fear though, construction has finally ceased until the spring so that excuse has been eliminated. I was able to get out for a little over 7.5 miles on Saturday so I can't give myself an F when there was at least one run in the mix. If there was someway to broadcast this warning to the commuters in Morton, I would love to broadcast this message: If traveling between the hours of 5:45 am and 7 am on Mondays-Fridays and Saturday and Sunday mornings look out for the person struggling through the streets at a snail's pace. There is a reason that these commuters need to be on the lookout. I have certain running shorts that I wear on my runs that may be short for most people's taste (especially when I have speed skater thighs like JMC). It was a rather rude awakening on Saturday when I put on the aforementioned runners' shorts and they turned into biker shorts (yes, Spandex). If you can imagine (I'm not sure you want to) I looked something along the lines of this: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Q9OHLA5zjkU/THoc3bDk7FI/AAAAAAAAH7I/InqTWN-ARJc/s1600/Fat+Guy+In+Spandex.jpg. Now for the obvious reasons, if a driver were to see that running down the road it may lead to uncontrollable heaving, which can truly be a road hazard.

Eating - C
First, the positives. I cut back significantly on the amount I ate during the week and my body was not a storage location for everything that I could fit in it. I was also able to limit my fountain soda to 1 during the week which was a drastic drop from my previous week's total of 32 (only joking...sort of). Everything was smooth sailing until Friday at work. You should know that every Friday morning one person is in charge of bringing in breakfast for everybody. Our theory on the third floor is if you don't eat it then people are going to stop bringing it in. I normally eat a lion's share so to stop eating the breakfast provided altogether would throw off the whole order of things. I have to ease my way out of the breakfast club. I was able to limit myself to one square of a casserole (probably a 3in x 2.5in square). Then of course a woman celebrated her birthday on Friday so she brought in a wonderful treat. If I were to not eat that then she would feel bad so I had a small square of that dessert. And Friday night's at Larson Manor usually consist of Papa Murphy's pizza accompanied by a free dessert pizza. For $11 this meal is enough to feed an army so as you can imagine we had plenty of leftovers (limited myself to 3 slices of each pizza - regular pizza slices were of course larger). Jamie also lured me into unhealthy eating with her caramel corn on Thursday night which translated into having enough to indulge on until Sunday. Much like Classic Lays, "I bet you can't eat just one" and that bet would have been won. Saturday night we had a bon fire at Northwoods Park and I am sure everyone can agree, you are not having a bon fire without roasting 'mallows (limited myself to 3 or 4...who's counting). Sunday was a return to normalcy with my eating. So all-in-all it could have been a lot worse. There were some weak moments but definitely an improvement over my eating last week. The voices in my head informing me that I was going to have to divulge what I ate definitely were heard but were able to be ignored at times.

Overall - D+
My weight this morning (as before sans clothes and before a run) was 235.4 bringing my weight loss for the week in at 1.8 lbs. I thought I did a nice job of reeling the eating in a little bit but there is definitely some room for improvement. I am still trying to get used to the "it's okay to be hungry" mantra whereas before I thought if I satisfied my hunger and than doubled the amount I ate in the same sitting it would eliminate hunger from ever rearing its ugly head ever again. While losing lbs is always nice, it would have been nice to see a larger loss than the one I witnessed this week but I have a feeling better things are yet to come when I throw a little exercise into the mix.

While maybe not what I expected for the week, a loss is a loss and when you are my weight anything and everything counts. Coming next week is a marathon wrap-up (I know it was last weekend so it should come in this edition)  and my previously mentioned weight loss and grading chart but your attention spans only last about 25 minutes so I am sure I have used all of that up with this novel.

Thanks for reading and as always, please feel free to make comments and/or suggestions as you follow my trek towards a physically fit body.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead

Where It All Began

Well, I come to you all with GREAT news. Jamie is .............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................pregnant with great ideas for crafts for her 1st grade class. The real reason for this email is an opportunity for you all to help me out. And below is your opportunity:


More certain than the turn of the seasons is the large weight gain that can be witnessed by those who come in contact with me. They say that you can tell the character of a person by what they do when their mom is not around. Well with me, you can tell how fat I am getting by what I am stuffing in my face when no one is around. Brought on by the early onslaught of soda that I have been slurping down daily, the weight gain has started a little prematurely this year. After I dominated my no soda bet with Jamie (man are those sunglasses amazing) I have been on a pretty incredible pace for soda consumption. As most of you know, when I start downing the soda, the weight is added on about a 1:1 basis (1 oz of soda = .1 oz weight gain). For most people who know the cause of this unfortunate experience, it may keep them from drinking the dark juice, but as you all know, I am not most people. So I keep chugging away and these pants keep getting tighter and tighter, the belt loop gets higher and higher and eventually I am back at the point that I was the year before and I start the cycle over again.


So as you read this you may be asking yourself a few questions, and I will try to answer those thoughts dancing in your head before you even ask:


Question #1 - "How do I have the opportunity to help Axel out?


Let me start off by saying, that is a great question. The answer is really simple. Nothing. My plan is to send out an email each week detailing the junk food that I ate each day of the week (see my bolded quote above). It is so easy to eat those 3 (alright maybe 5) doughnuts when nobody knows that you are eating it. By emailing you my junk diary (see title of email) I will be holding myself accountable for the crap I try to sneak into my mouth.


Question #2 - "Why don't you do another bet?"


As you all my know, I lost the last bet I had (about a 12-week bet) by a average to above average size bowel movement. I credit Mr. Loudermilk for losing the necessary pounds to defeat me in the our bet, but it kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. Is it worth the risk of losing money so I can lose weight only to have it off for a few months before I get back to business and gain it back. I have one person who would say that it is not (you'll have to guess who it is because they will remain anonymous). I am hopeful that this will have the same effect as a bet only with habits forming that will last a lot longer.


Question #3 - "How long do I have to put up with your emails?"

My plan is to have the "Diaries of Mr. Lemonhead" run through the end of the year. By my count that would be 12 "entries" from me. You don't have to read them each week because you may not be that interested in what I eat and how my life is going. Hopefully in these weekly editions I can provide some humor that just may brighten your day. As most of you know there always seems to be a black cloud hanging over my head (unfortunately it is large enough to share with Jamie) so at least you will have the opportunity to laugh at my misfortunes. There is no unsubscribing to my weekly entries, your only option will be delete.

Questions #4 - "What is Mr. Lemonhead?"


This, my friends, is an ingenious name that I made up for myself. I have often described the effects of me drinking soda as if somebody has stuck a chuck in my neck and pumped me full of air. If you need an example of what I am talking about you can pretty much look at any picture of me in the winter months. Often times I don't realize until I see a picture (a la my license last year). If you need  a refresher on Mr. Lemonhead please copy
on paste the web address: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Dt660Kmq4fM/TEyR-B_Uq3I/AAAAAAAAAAM/LQJDoir8d2s/s320/Image-Mvg-MrLemonhead+20100725.gif That right there is about what I look like in the winter but substitute the yellow pigment with my pale white skin.


Question #5 - "What is in it for me?"


If this plan works you have the satisfaction of knowing that you helped me lose weight and keep my scale from entering the territory of morbidly obese. Despite my joking about it and lack of discipline to do anything about, it really does suck being fat and the cycle of fat and not-as-fat can get old after a while. So there really is nothing in it for you, my audience, rather than an occasional laugh and the ability to mock me and my weight and any missteps that I may have in my march toward a physically fit body (biggest joke of the email).


Question #6 - "What is your plan?"

You are really drilling me with these mental questions of yours. My plan is limit (notice I didn't say eliminate) my intake of soda/pop/carbonated beverages to a maximum of 2 fountain sodas a week and limit my after dinner dessert (thanks Bethels for that habit) to one small piece of whatever the Mrs. may have bought or made. By journaling to you the garbage that I put into my mouth each week it will cut out all of the snacking that I do at work (the real killer). As we all have been well versed, the key to a healthy living is to eat right and.....exercise. There are periods of time where I am really good at doing this but most of the time it is a struggle because that couch is too darn comfortable. I have been making the 5:45 switch to the couch so frequently now that I have foregone the going to the bathroom and trying to wake myself up to heading straight for the couch for another good hour and fifteen minutes of sleep. So with this being said, I vow to partake in at least 20 miles of running each week (this would also help me reach my goal of 1,000 miles of running for the year - only took my 3 years to finally reach it). I have a workout blog that will keep track of my workouts for proof that I am keeping my end of the bargain.

Question #7 - "What is your goal?"

Ideally, my goal would be to be able to get down or below 200 lbs. Alright...stop lauging...seriously enough is enough. I know, I know, I know I haven't been that weight since 5th grade (ok maybe high school) but I really think if this works like I think it will then it may be a possibility. At the beginning of 2010 I made a personal goal of weighing less than 225 lbs on 12/31/10 so I will put that as my goal for this little experiment. Jamie tries to help me with my unhealthy eating but this beast (my unhealthy eating habits) is much too strong for one person to contain. Maybe even more than some weight goal, my goal is to maintain some kind of healthy living/eating habits so me trying to lose weight and stay under 1/8 of a ton is not an annual tradition like it seems to have become.

Question #8 - "What is going to be in your emails?"

That may be the trickiest part of the whole deal. I haven't quite figured out what I am going to say each week other than, I ate how a normal person might and lost weight or I was up to my old bag of tricks again and gained weight. It will also give me an opportunity to fill you all in on the Lives and Times of Axel Larson. I will try to not make every email in my battle against obesity a novel, but I am only human and sometimes can not contain everything that I want to say in a concise manner. 

Question #9 - "How long until I can unsubscribe?"

Unfortunately for you all, there is no way to unsubscribe. You do have the ability to delete and any point in time but imagine all the water cooler talk that you will miss out by prematurely sending me and my words to your trash bin.

Thank you for your help and look forward to your responses.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead