Where It All Began

Well, I come to you all with GREAT news. Jamie is .............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................pregnant with great ideas for crafts for her 1st grade class. The real reason for this email is an opportunity for you all to help me out. And below is your opportunity:


More certain than the turn of the seasons is the large weight gain that can be witnessed by those who come in contact with me. They say that you can tell the character of a person by what they do when their mom is not around. Well with me, you can tell how fat I am getting by what I am stuffing in my face when no one is around. Brought on by the early onslaught of soda that I have been slurping down daily, the weight gain has started a little prematurely this year. After I dominated my no soda bet with Jamie (man are those sunglasses amazing) I have been on a pretty incredible pace for soda consumption. As most of you know, when I start downing the soda, the weight is added on about a 1:1 basis (1 oz of soda = .1 oz weight gain). For most people who know the cause of this unfortunate experience, it may keep them from drinking the dark juice, but as you all know, I am not most people. So I keep chugging away and these pants keep getting tighter and tighter, the belt loop gets higher and higher and eventually I am back at the point that I was the year before and I start the cycle over again.


So as you read this you may be asking yourself a few questions, and I will try to answer those thoughts dancing in your head before you even ask:


Question #1 - "How do I have the opportunity to help Axel out?


Let me start off by saying, that is a great question. The answer is really simple. Nothing. My plan is to send out an email each week detailing the junk food that I ate each day of the week (see my bolded quote above). It is so easy to eat those 3 (alright maybe 5) doughnuts when nobody knows that you are eating it. By emailing you my junk diary (see title of email) I will be holding myself accountable for the crap I try to sneak into my mouth.


Question #2 - "Why don't you do another bet?"


As you all my know, I lost the last bet I had (about a 12-week bet) by a average to above average size bowel movement. I credit Mr. Loudermilk for losing the necessary pounds to defeat me in the our bet, but it kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. Is it worth the risk of losing money so I can lose weight only to have it off for a few months before I get back to business and gain it back. I have one person who would say that it is not (you'll have to guess who it is because they will remain anonymous). I am hopeful that this will have the same effect as a bet only with habits forming that will last a lot longer.


Question #3 - "How long do I have to put up with your emails?"

My plan is to have the "Diaries of Mr. Lemonhead" run through the end of the year. By my count that would be 12 "entries" from me. You don't have to read them each week because you may not be that interested in what I eat and how my life is going. Hopefully in these weekly editions I can provide some humor that just may brighten your day. As most of you know there always seems to be a black cloud hanging over my head (unfortunately it is large enough to share with Jamie) so at least you will have the opportunity to laugh at my misfortunes. There is no unsubscribing to my weekly entries, your only option will be delete.

Questions #4 - "What is Mr. Lemonhead?"


This, my friends, is an ingenious name that I made up for myself. I have often described the effects of me drinking soda as if somebody has stuck a chuck in my neck and pumped me full of air. If you need an example of what I am talking about you can pretty much look at any picture of me in the winter months. Often times I don't realize until I see a picture (a la my license last year). If you need  a refresher on Mr. Lemonhead please copy
on paste the web address: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Dt660Kmq4fM/TEyR-B_Uq3I/AAAAAAAAAAM/LQJDoir8d2s/s320/Image-Mvg-MrLemonhead+20100725.gif That right there is about what I look like in the winter but substitute the yellow pigment with my pale white skin.


Question #5 - "What is in it for me?"


If this plan works you have the satisfaction of knowing that you helped me lose weight and keep my scale from entering the territory of morbidly obese. Despite my joking about it and lack of discipline to do anything about, it really does suck being fat and the cycle of fat and not-as-fat can get old after a while. So there really is nothing in it for you, my audience, rather than an occasional laugh and the ability to mock me and my weight and any missteps that I may have in my march toward a physically fit body (biggest joke of the email).


Question #6 - "What is your plan?"

You are really drilling me with these mental questions of yours. My plan is limit (notice I didn't say eliminate) my intake of soda/pop/carbonated beverages to a maximum of 2 fountain sodas a week and limit my after dinner dessert (thanks Bethels for that habit) to one small piece of whatever the Mrs. may have bought or made. By journaling to you the garbage that I put into my mouth each week it will cut out all of the snacking that I do at work (the real killer). As we all have been well versed, the key to a healthy living is to eat right and.....exercise. There are periods of time where I am really good at doing this but most of the time it is a struggle because that couch is too darn comfortable. I have been making the 5:45 switch to the couch so frequently now that I have foregone the going to the bathroom and trying to wake myself up to heading straight for the couch for another good hour and fifteen minutes of sleep. So with this being said, I vow to partake in at least 20 miles of running each week (this would also help me reach my goal of 1,000 miles of running for the year - only took my 3 years to finally reach it). I have a workout blog that will keep track of my workouts for proof that I am keeping my end of the bargain.

Question #7 - "What is your goal?"

Ideally, my goal would be to be able to get down or below 200 lbs. Alright...stop lauging...seriously enough is enough. I know, I know, I know I haven't been that weight since 5th grade (ok maybe high school) but I really think if this works like I think it will then it may be a possibility. At the beginning of 2010 I made a personal goal of weighing less than 225 lbs on 12/31/10 so I will put that as my goal for this little experiment. Jamie tries to help me with my unhealthy eating but this beast (my unhealthy eating habits) is much too strong for one person to contain. Maybe even more than some weight goal, my goal is to maintain some kind of healthy living/eating habits so me trying to lose weight and stay under 1/8 of a ton is not an annual tradition like it seems to have become.

Question #8 - "What is going to be in your emails?"

That may be the trickiest part of the whole deal. I haven't quite figured out what I am going to say each week other than, I ate how a normal person might and lost weight or I was up to my old bag of tricks again and gained weight. It will also give me an opportunity to fill you all in on the Lives and Times of Axel Larson. I will try to not make every email in my battle against obesity a novel, but I am only human and sometimes can not contain everything that I want to say in a concise manner. 

Question #9 - "How long until I can unsubscribe?"

Unfortunately for you all, there is no way to unsubscribe. You do have the ability to delete and any point in time but imagine all the water cooler talk that you will miss out by prematurely sending me and my words to your trash bin.

Thank you for your help and look forward to your responses.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead