The Return of Mr. Lemonhead

Over 3 months ago and close to 15 lbs (not a typo, yes 15) was the last time that you heard the thoughts and observations of Mr. Lemonhead. If you haven’t seen me in a while you may be thinking, “Well good for him. He was able to overcome his humungous appetite, train for his marathon in April, keep that momentum and now is down to a good looking 223.” If those were your thoughts, have you not been paying attention for the past 8 months of my mostly sporadic entries? If instead you thought, “Oh great, he said he was going to do this and that, developed some grandiose plan, lasted about 5 days, essentially gave up and for the past 3 months has been fueled by fountain sodas, doughnuts, candy and watermelon (3 cheers for summer!!!). If those were your thoughts, then you as well have not been paying attention to my entries. If instead you thought, “Oh great, he said he was going to do this and that, developed some grandiose plan, lasted about 1 day, essentially gave up and for the past 3 months has been fueled by fountain sodas, doughnuts, candy and watermelon.” If that was your response, then you, my friend, truly know Mr. Lemonhead.

Being that you haven’t heard from me in quite some time (sorry to deprive you of my witty entries for so long) a lot has changed. Last time you heard from me I was sharing the news of another Larson that would be welcomed into the world in October (the due date is September 27 but as I have learned over the past 13 years, Jamie is never on time for anything). Since that time, I have been to Italy and back, struggled through a marathon (4:15:23 – not too shabby for an obese guy like me), got too out of shape to run any races during my racing season (everybody’s favorite time of year) - consisting of the Cherry Festival 5k, Turkey Festival 5k and culminating with the Steamboat Festival 15k, where I am the reigning Clydesdale division champion (just the thought of not being able to retain the crown is too much to handle) and have essentially eaten everything in sight. I have also brought into style a new look of “skinny corporate wear”. Skinny jeans are so yesterday, you can imagine how stunning I look in khakis that are too tight to hold anything in the pockets and dress shirts that show your every curve and roll. Needless to say I have eliminated about half of my wardrobe as I have moved along the sliding scale of weight from obese teetering on the edge towards just overweight to morbidly obese with no end in sight.

Everyone reading this diary knows that I have a habit of making promises and not following through with them. I have promised a certain number of runs in a week, a certain number of miles that I would run a week, that I was going to give up drinking regular coke for a period of time, that I was going to drink diet soda, and even that I wasn’t going to drink any soda at all. To be honest, when those promises were made I had full intentions of keeping them but it seems as if my will power has slowly left right along with my athletic ability. I wish I had some sort of reason for this disturbing trend besides my laziness and my love for anything and everything that is unhealthy for you. I have joked about it before but this morning I put on my morning wear (my running clothes which have become my 5:55 AM – 7:00 AM pajamas) and the shirt that I put on could have easily been confused with an Under Armor spandex shirt. You would have thought with me putting that on and it fitting that way I would have immediately gone out for a run to try and start a positive trend, but instead I made an excuse and went to my 2nd bed for my 2nd shift of sleeping.

So now that I have taken out the world’s smallest violin and have played for you my sob story, what does this mean? Am I going to promise you a weekly diary entry, a month where I abstain from fountain sodas, a month where I rid myself of the habit of eating dessert after every meal, or maybe even a period of time where I only eat breakfast, a healthy mid-morning snack, lunch, a Fiber One bar for an afternoon snack and then dinner? No, unfortunately you will read no such promises from Mr. Lemonhead this time. All I am going to say is that for the first time in a very long while I am actually going to try. For the past 3-4 months I haven’t been able to say that. When something popped into my head that sounded good (which surprisingly happens about 6,340,076 times a day) I would naturally go and locate that source of abundant calories and eat it or drink it immediately. My lack of effort wasn’t limited to my consumption of food and beverage but also expanded into my exercise routine. Over the past 3+ months I have earnestly been trying to drop the title of runner (not on purpose). If you were to witness my 9.11 mile run on Saturday (no, the distance is not just a coincidence – I stopped a little short to reflect how I was feeling at the time) you would indeed immediately pity me for putting myself through such an epic 9-mile struggle. From the slow pace I was running you would have thought I had just finished a marathon but I didn’t have such a claim to hang my hat on. You may be surprised to hear that I haven’t been running but then decided to go enjoy 9 miles of country – well it wasn’t exactly planned to be that distance and I got to a point of no return. Consider the said 9.11 miles an outlier from my normal routine.

Eventually I knew this day was going to come but for some reason it took this day happening to realize that I needed to change things up. The impetus for another Mr. Lemonhead entry was me stepping on a scale today and seeing my weight being greater than 1/8 of a ton. I have now gone to a place that I had been before and vowed never to go back. It is not as if I hadn’t see these particular digits on the scale recently, but I always had some excuse for seeing them. It could have been that I was wearing clothes or it was in the afternoon and the only weigh-in that matters is in the morning or it could have been that I had just eaten a big meal (who I am kidding, over the past 3 months they have all been big). This morning I stepped on the scale in the buff after waking from my second sleep and it read 251.6. There were no excuses just me and an entirely too large number on the scale. Now to have to avoid wearing clothes is one thing because maybe they had shrunk, but when the scale is telling you what you have feared for so long (that being that I am morbidly obese) it is an entirely different matter. This, in turn, has led me back to where it all started for a source of motivation, to you, my readers. Much like my eating and running I have made too many excuses for not penning any more entries and none of them were very good. While I will not guarantee weekly entries, I will promise that they will be more frequent than every 3 months. I will try to allow you an insight into the ugliness that is my fight against my raging appetite.

As always thank you for reading and please feel free to leave any comments or suggestions as I fight against the chances of becoming this guy.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead

P.S. If you couldn’t tell when reading it, the first letter of the first 5 paragraphs makes a nice little acrostic.

My Laziness Knows No Motivation

For those of who that might have forgotten since my last entry...my name is Mr. Lemonhead and this past month has done nothing to disprove that image of me. I apologize for lack of entries since the beginning of February and I will explain that matter after a quick programming note:
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Programming Note #1: The old format of my diary entries used to be a email that I would compose and send to each one of your inboxes upon completion. With the use of the internet and my blog all of my entries are written on http://diariesofmrlemonhead.blogspot.com and an email with each post is then sent to your email inbox. To make sure that you are able to enjoy all the features of this fine blog I recommend that you read the entry on this website. Among these features are pictures of my progress along with other pictures of importance and major moments in my life such as Mt. Larson which has been reduced to nothing due to Global Warming (mission accomplished as I was the last one on the block of North Ohio to enjoy snow).

Programming Note #2: I try to attach a link to a picture from the world wide web with each entry (that is more certain than my weekly entries I can promise you that). The link to the previously mentioned pictures should appear in blue font and underlined. The pictures will hopefully provide some humor and a little relief from the horrors that are my eating habits.
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A lot has changed in my life since the last time we had the opportunity to speak. I'll give you a quick run down.

1. Effective 3 weeks ago I received a promotion at work to the title of Corporate Banking Officer. With that promotion I now have my own clients and have the task of building my own portfolio. I know what you must be thinking, I thought PNC was smarter than that? Well you stay in one place long enough and they have to do something with you. I'm too nice and too much fun to laugh at for them to fire me so the next logical option was a promotion. National City first made the mistake of hiring me and now PNC has made the mistake of promoting me. With this new job comes more responsibilities (in the words of the infinite wisdom of Biggie Smalls "mo' money mo' problems") and less time to pen these entries. I have been fairly busy over the past couple weeks which has meant that The Diaries have had to suffer. But don't worry folks, this doesn't mean that I am putting you behind my work because I enjoying composing these entries very much but rather I will have to make some time to let you know what is going on in the life of Mr. Lemonhead while at Larson Manor.

2. Over the past 3 months or so I have dived into the world of Bones. Through determination and a lot of laying on the couch I have managed to cover approximately 120 43-minute episodes in these past 3 months. Not since college had a put so much blood, sweat and tears into a tv show. It was amazing the grip the show had over my life and time as I followed the work of Dr. Temperance Brennan (affectionately known as "Bones") and Agent Seeley Booth. A nice Saturday or Sunday morning run was put to the side in favor of one more episode and one more step to what some may consider my "mission impossible". But as of last week those chains have been broken and I am free from the bondage that had taken over my life. It's just another meaningless accomplishment in a life that has been full of them.

3. And of course I have saved the best for last. I must say that God works in mysterious ways. I had been praying for the end of the "Winter of Soups" and God has answered my prayers. I can't say it with any more pride and any more excitement in my keystrokes than to say that I AM GOING TO BE A DAD!! I am normally not one for exclamation points or all capitalized letters but this is a situation that I deemed worthy. Now with the mere mention of soup, Jamie has the urge to throw up whatever she had just ingested and the Winter of Soups came to an abrupt end at the beginning of January (Praise the Lord!!). On or around September 27th I will finally be able to be a part of the Larson Family again when Jamie gives birth to a healthy son (only positive thoughts coming from me). Just so you are all on board whenever the baby inside Jamie's growing body is referenced it must be referenced as he or him. In a quest to field all 9 positions on the baseball field (ok maybe being a little aggressive, but at least the infield) we are hoping to have a boy as a newcomer to the Larson Family. It has been a rough pregnancy up to this point for as a lot of good food has been wasted (3 cheese chicken sausages and Culver's ice cream to name a few) as they have been purged from her body shortly after her tastebuds had a chance to enjoy them. I have attached the images from Jamie's first sonogram below at roughly 10 weeks. I don't know if there is any news that I could share that would make me more excited, not Illinois winning the National Championship in basketball and football and the Cardinals winning the World Series all in the same year wouldn't even reach the same level for me. I could even be tipping the scales at 190 lbs and it still wouldn't do it. This news reaches an 11 on the excitement scale from 1-10, yea its that big.

Now you all must be wondering, what has happened to Mr. Lemonhead over these past 4 weeks? One word could pretty much sum it up, Grow. I blame myself as it is common knowledge that everyone makes New Years Resolutions for one reason and one reason only, to break them. I of course fell into the trap that engulfs most of society and made resolutions that were meant to be broken. As referenced in my last entry it has been a period of two steps forward followed by two steps back, well if that is still the case then I have taken two shuffles forward and two gigantic leaps backwards. As of last Monday I was tipping the scales at a gigantuous 238.8 lbs, well off my goal 200 lbs for the year. Diesel soda has once again infected me with its goodness and I am finding it incredibly hard to turn down. While Diet Pepsi is a nice alternative there is really no true equal to the deliciousness of an ice cold Coca Cola Classic. Going forward rather than keeping myself from enjoying one of the finer things in life, I will limit myself to 2 fountain sodas a week. If I have a loss for the week then I will allow myself to enjoy the diesel variety and if I fail to meet expectations then I will punish myself with the consumption of the Diet variety only (I know its severe but I will manage...desperate times call for desperate measures). If this possible solution fails to be effective I may even take the dangerous step of eliminating carbonated beverages from my diet altogether but let's just cross that bridge if and when I get there (hopefully never). Jamie's way of telling people that she was pregnant was by making sugar cookies with baby items as the cutouts so I have been enjoying those for the past two weeks. The way I am eating you really can't tell who is pregnant as we are going pound for pound at this point. Usually when I start eating healthy I get the momentum going and when the lbs drop off it is no problem to carry the momentum, but 2011 has been a cruel year thus far. After getting so dangerously close to the land of the 220's my appetite pulls a 180 and becomes insatiable. If it has been in our cupboard chances are I have enjoyed at any time of the day. Cookies for breakfast..sure. Dessert pizza for a midnight snack...why not? The lowest of lows came last week when I washed four pieces of Papa Murphy's chicken pizza down with 6 pieces of dessert pizza. How often does a person eat more dessert than their the main course? The answer...too much when you are me. But don't worry folks the skies aren't always grey, as long as I exercise...


The exercise segment of this entry is where I paint a brighter picture, one filled with stories of success and triumphs over the dreaded couch. Unfortunately that isn't the case this time. I have been pulling way too many 5:45-7:00 shifts on the couch instead of hitting the pavement. As I stated in the title of this fine entry, my laziness knows no motivation. Instead of Black History Month, February turned into "I am going to do as little as possible in terms of exercise and be completely fine with it" month. I'm not sure that Hallmark would have any cards for that though. I put in a solid 19.33 miles for the month of February (even I had to double check my math after seeing that staggering low sum). I am going with a reverse strategy this marathon training as the past 2 marathons that I have run I trained hard for the first three months and due to injury/laziness took the last 2 months off. For the Illinois Marathon I am taking the first 3 months off and am going to go hard the last 2 months, 1 1/2 months. I think a good strategy is if at first you don't succeed, then set the bar higher. For preparation for the Illinois Marathon I am setting a goal of a minimum of 5 runs a week for a total of 30 miles or more. That makes complete sense, if you struggle to get out there more than 2 days a week and more than 10 miles, then up it to 5 and 30 (man I am smart). Thankfully all bad things must come to an end and eventually this period of laziness will end and I will get back out there on a consistent basis. I thought my monumental slumps were limited to the baseball diamond now they are defecting to my running as well. Much like a 58 foot curveball looked appetizing (a mound is 60 ft 6 inches from home plate) I am going to start thinking that .5 mile runs are long runs.


After reading this entry for the past 25 minutes you are probably ready for this to end. Hopefully I have at least made you feel a little better about yourself and your weight. I am getting a little concerned about our trip to Italy because with this recent influx in weight it now looks like this when I sit in a chair and I am afraid they are going to charge me for two seats. Thankfully I can still fit into my khakis and have not resulted to my dress clothes being khaki pants with elastic for the waistband.


As for the regularity of my diary entries. I am going to try to pen an entry once a week but I can't promise that with this new promotion (I know, I know, suck it up Sally) but my goal is to devote some time to these bad boys at home. You still provide a source of motivation for me in my attempt to distance myself from valor suits and matching sweatsuits as my normal attire.


As always thank you for reading and please feel free to leave any comments or suggestions as I continue my odyssey towards some weight normalcy.


Love.


Mr. Lemonhead


P.S. As promised, below are my horrific pictures of the progress through the month of February. Close your eyes and only take a quick glance and just remember that it will soon be over.

Old Habits Die Hard

It has been two weeks since the last time you heard from Mr. Lemonhead and my have things changed. Much like Paula Abdul’s great song “Opposites Attract” I seem to “take two steps forward and I “take two steps back”. What was once a promising start to 2011 has turned into a lack of effort to fight the urge to eat all that I can during the day. I failed on my promise for weekly diary entries last week and I really don’t have a good reason. With the 14” inches of snow we got during Snowmageddon it gave me ample free time to pen an entry but instead I chose to use that time to shovel the snow, play card games and watch Bones and other tv programming. As many of you know, I take great pride in my shoveling and I was looking forward to shoveling all of the snow on the driveway to the same place to create a large pile of snow. With some help from my brother-in-law and his snowblower I was able to build this work of art, Mount Larson. I know I am only 27 years old, but I feel like I have attained my life’s crowing achievement, my Mona Lisa. Although the snow plows came and took out a portion of this beauty (with jealousy as the main motive I’m sure) it will forever be a lasting memory of Snowmaggedon.

Mount Larson

Two week ago I weighed in at 231.4 lbs and through the continuation of my running program and despite my aversion from healthy eating I weighed in at 230.2 last Monday. I gave myself grades of a “C” for my running because although I met expectations with the 20 miles/week goal, I have now signed up for the Illinois Marathon and 20 mile weeks aren’t going to cut it. My eating grade was an “F” due to going out to eat for work and at some time not even caring that what I was eating was going to set me back to the 2010 Mr. Lemonhead. The overall grade for the week was a D+ (probably a generous grade on my part) which helped set the table for this week.

After a week full of eating out a couple times and being limited to the friendly confines of Larson Manor, my weight this morning responded to the punishment that I placed on my body over the past two weeks. This morning I weighed a corpulent 235.6. After a couple of weeks of feeling good and believing in the optical illusion that my body was shedding some of those unwanted lbs, the past two weeks have brought me back down to earth. I don’t think the problem is with me, I think the problem is there are too many good things to eat out there that aren’t good for you. Sure I can resist the urge to eat Taco Bell but then a DQ Blizzard swoops in and proves too much for me to overcome. The blame could also be shared with my tastebuds for finding such unhealthy things so tasty. If broccoli and peas tasted like Gobstopper Hearts (this week’s candy of choice) and peanut butter rice krispy treats then I might weigh 175. Unfortunately, this is the hand that I have been dealt and going forward I hope to see a better effort on the part of Mr. Lemonhead. With that being said, let’s take a look at this week’s grades (you may sense a common theme):

Exercise - F
There really isn’t much to write about in the section as this week I hit the road 0 times for a total of 0.00 miles. For 2 of the 7 days I do have a legitimate reason which was the previously mentioned, Snowmageddon. Every morning I set my alarm for 5:45 hoping that I will be able to get out and hit the road but it seems to me that I am challenging Go West for the title of “King of Wishful Thinking”. Thankfully, with every day we are closer to Spring and the sun rising before 7:00 in the morning. I can handle the cold but it is the darkness that kills me. The only thing that saved me this week was the fact that I had to go out and shovel the snow. 14” of snow is not that light and I burned some serious calories shoveling it into Mt. Larson. This week brings a new week and another opportunity to hit the streets of Morton in preparation with my date with death or desinty (which one has yet to be determined) on April 30, 2011.

Eating - F
This category is the exact opposite of the exercise in that there is too much to write about. If I had a week like this week for 52 weeks of the year I may have to quit my day job and join these guys on the road. If I could just get a string of 2 or 3 weeks together of healthy eating or even just eating moderate portions then life would be much better. I won’t get in to what I satisfied my endless pit of hunger with but I’ll just say at times it wasn’t very pretty. My goal for February is not to eliminate all crappy foods from my diet, but rather to enjoy those crappy foods less and enjoy the healthier foods more (sounds simple enough right?).

Overall - F
While I wouldn’t put this week in the same category as Halloweak, it was a disappointing week in that I went back to some habits that I thought I had gotten rid of (at least for a few months at least). I guess that is why they say that old habits die hard. When I’ve spent the past 11 years of my life (minus my dieting time) eating a certain way and eating certain things I guess it’s going to take more than 2 weeks of healthy eating to rid myself of those habits. I was teetering on the edge of the mysterious land of the 220’s but the 230’s decided that it was much too fun to have me around to let me leave. 230’s are the new 200’s right? For those that are paying attention to any changes to the blog, you will notice that the background is now a mountain because if the past month is any indication this is one large mountain that I have to climb.

As promised with the first diary entry at the first of every month I will put up two pictures (front and side) of my progress during this epic battle of mine. It will also serve the purpose of helping you curb your appetite much like the opossum did for me that traumatic morning when I saw him heading to our garage/shed/barn/bicycle shop/garbage dump.

February 2011

February 2011

As always thanks for reading and please feel free to leave any comments or suggestions as I continue my jaunt towards shirtless running (now that is hilarious).

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead

And You Thought I Was Done With Goals

Now as you are all aware of I’m sure, Mr. Lemonhead has set himself on an amazing journey towards a physically fit body and a figure that has been hibernating ever since I failed to see my name on the list for the 2000-2001 Morton High School Varsity Boys Basketball Team. Those 35-45 pounds I put on this figure over that winter (I don’t know why, I only ate a hot pocket after school every day?) have melted off, though never completely, and then somehow managed to find their way back to my waist. This mission that I am currently on with the ultimate goal of seeing a scale that the first digit starts with a “1” instead of a “2” (or a “3” which was my trajectory at 12/31/10) also comes with other minor goals that I, Mr. Lemonhead, hope to accomplish in 2011. As has been my philosophy since creating these Diaries what better way to hold yourself more accountable, than to let everyone know what your intentions are (I know, I know, you don’t care but I don’t know if you don’t tell me). With that being said, I give to you The 2011 Goals of Mr. Lemonhead:

Previously Stated Goals

1. To run 20/miles a week

- - I know that I have already fallen short of this goal but that is still my goal for the year. By the end of the year if I fail to achieve this goal for the remaining weeks I hope to make up for with a weekly average > = 20 miles a week (I can’ t believe I bombed the greater than or less than  test in 1st grade - it still haunts me)

2. To run 1,000 miles in 2011

- - This one kind of piggy-backs off of my previous goal, but one that should be stated, none-the-less. This has been a goal of mine ever since I started my running career (4+ years and counting). I came tantalizingly close in 2010 but succumbed to the pressures of fountain soda and eating whatever I could. The horse that I was riding on to my elusive goal bucked me off and there was no recovery. I ended the year with somewhere around 920 miles.

3. To weigh less than 200 lbs at 12/31/11

- - THE ULTIMATE GOAL and the reason these diaries exist. My weight loss history is well documented but what isn’t so pretty is my ability to keep those lbs off after my “diet” ends. Achieving this goal and maintaining same pants size for a year would hopefully lead to a life of good habits and the need to confess to you all the damage that I do to my body.

Newly Stated Goals

1. To run a sub-4 hour marathon in the Spring and a marathon in the Fall (3:30 - 3:35 finish)

- - This goal depends heavily on numbers 1 and 2 above. While I am known as the King of the Taper, my last two training programs were derailed by two injuries (strained calf and pulled hamstring) that forced me to stop training for a month each. Oddly enough these two injuries occurred 1 year apart and on the same training run that I was trying to complete. I am sure these injuries were a result of my lack of a base so if I can keep the weekly mileage where I want it to be, hopefully the injury bug won’t rear its ugly head. I have decided to run the Illinois Marathon on April 30 as my Spring Marathon and the Fall marathon is TBD. My plan is to ease into the training for the Illinois Marathon while building my base and to use that base for my Fall marathon (hence the better expected finish time).

2. To run a sub 20-minute 5k

- - Yet another bold goal that is achievable with some consistent running. This goal materialized after seeing that my old grade school classmate Kris Rampelberg (who I may have gotten into a tussle or two with while on the Jefferson School playground) had a 5k time that was superior to my own. This averages out to be about a 6:26 pace which may kill this fat kid, but there is nothing wrong with setting this bar high.

3. To rid myself of the overwhelming desire to eat anything and everything that I feel is edible

- - If I was able to achieve this goal there would be no need for Mr. Lemonhead and his never-ending thoughts. We could move on to more important things, like what the Cardinals need to do to shore up their left side of the infield or what the if Ron Zook is cut out to be the guy who leads The Fighting Illini back to bowl glory and consistent winning seasons. And in ten years, I may be able to talk about the excitement of having a kid on the way (I may be being a little aggressive on that front). Until I achieve this said goal all you will get to hear about is my eating exploits and the lack of will power that was undoubtedly given to my upon birth and I have no control over (no need for excuses here).

I understand that these goals are primarily related to running and may have you asking yourself, why do I care? I wish I had a good answer for that but I don’t. If you don’t care, then I apologize for the 3 minutes of your life that you will never get back. Last week I tipped the scales at a beefy 231.0 lbs and this week I had a modest gain of .4 lbs. After losing 7+ lbs the previous week, it is to be expected to come down to earth a little bit so I am not concerned. So if you are keeping track at home my weight loss for the year has been 10.6 lbs, or 4.38% of my body weight as of 12/31/10. Not a bad start but this engine needs to keep on moving. Here is how my grades went for the week.

Exercise - B-
I managed to get my 20 mile minimum in for the week but it took a day in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. to accomplish it. If I wasn’t able to sleep in on Monday and then go for my run, I am not so sure I would have been able to get in the 5.38 miles I ran that day. I will take them anyway I can get them though. I also ran 3.06 miles on Wednesday, 6.27 miles on Saturday and 6.11 miles on Sunday for a weekly total of 20.82 miles (that makes me 2 for 3). I can also tell you another certainty: this large body of mine was not meant to do sit ups and push ups. I am now up to close to 40 situps after my runs and I think the effects are paying off. I’ll give you a sneak preview of next week’s picture of my progress (I also included Jamie in the picture because she has been working on them as well). Push ups are just an awful idea and I am up to close to 20 and you would think that it was 200. Those dogs are not easy and my body hates me every time I put it through a measly 20 of them. Overall, it was nice to get the minimum in but I also missed out on 2 runs that were in my marathon training schedule. There is always next week I guess.

Eating - B-
Monday through Thursday night went according to my new eating guidelines and everything was great and then Friday hit. I started off my Friday morning with 4 eggs (scrambled of course) with cheese and salsa. It is part of my effort to change up my eating habits in the morning and stray from the standard bowl of cereal and glass of orange juice. 4 eggs was probably a little too much but there were only 4 left in the container so why leave just one egg left (that’s fat-kid speak for I have a way to justify when I eat more than I should). At work somebody made a delicious French toast casserole and I had a small plate with real maple syrup and a couple bagel bites with cinnamon. Overall, a success if I had stopped there. Unfortunately I then helped myself to more of the casserole and bites and threw in some pieces of chocolate. For lunch I then had Orange Chicken from Panda Express with chow mein and then I overdid at dinner. Compared to last year it wasn’t nearly as bad as Friday’s have been, but it was a return to the 2010 Mr. Lemonhead (at least partially) for a day. On Saturday I enjoyed some Quatro’s pizza in Carbondale along with chocolate chip cookies and a Diet Pepsi while Jamie and I visited the other Larson’s and Poppy. Sunday brought the NFC Championships and some boneless wings, rotel cheese and chips. I was damaged by three days worth of eating but for 4 days of the week things went well.

Overall - B-
I have made significant progress in my campaign towards a slimmer body and the results are starting to show as I don’t put on my dress shirts and instantly feel like the air into my lungs is reduced by 75% due to the tightness of the collar. I am no longer on the verge of moving up to the last hole on the belt loop and my dress pants couldn’t double as khaki running spandex anymore, so things are really on the up and up for Mr. Lemonhead.

I hope I made up for the brevity of last week’s entry. I thought it necessary for me to get my goals out there for you to hold me accountable to since I obviously am incapable of doing it myself.

Thanks for reading and please feel free to leave any comments or suggestions as I peregrinate (thank you Webster’s!) the path towards my pre-2001 figure.

Thanks.

Mr. Lemonhead

Look At Me Now

At least for two weeks I was able to get this out on time. Here we are two days into the week and I am only now getting out my summary of last week in the life of Mr. Lemonhead. In order to keep material fresh, there may be some weeks where I keep things short (my intent for this week). In other news, the Larson family has grown by one more with the addition of Poppy Clementine to the clan and now that makes 8 nieces and nephews (good thing there is plenty of me to go around). Congratulations to the Larson Party of 5 and I can’t wait until #6 is on the way.

Last week was a mixed bag for yours truly. I somehow managed to limit my caloric intake which had the inverse effect of what I was hoping for. The count for the week was Couch-5 Axel-2. I guess when your body is used to running on 5,000+ calories a day and you limit it to what a “normal” individual might ingest during a typical day your body might be a little sluggish until it can get used to scraping by on such few units of energy (that excuse sounds good…let’s go with that one for this week). So exactly how much did my weight fluctuate this week? Well, last week I weighed in at a mammoth 238.4 which didn’t break the scale but if my weight were to stay at that level over time it might. This week after some hard work and determination I weighed in at a beefy 231.0 (amazing what a little will power can do, I know). That brings my total weight loss YTD at 11 lbs or 4.55% of my original weight. Still a long 31.0 lbs to go, but at least I am making progress.

Exercise - D+
As stated previously, this week was a tough one for me to get out of bed in the morning and put on all my winter running gear and head out for a morning run. I was able to successfully do so on Tuesday morning through a couple of inches of snow for 4.44 miles and for 1.75 miles on Saturday (was supposed to be a 10-mile run) for a total of 6.19 miles for the week (just shy of my previously stated 20 mile/week goal). After two weeks I can tell you one thing for sure. I did a lot of damage to my body during ChrisGiving and am slower than I have ever been. Maybe it is the 95 mph winds or the layers of clothing or the 10 degree weather, but these legs aren’t moving as fast as they were about 2 months ago. If an onlooker were to view me running during this summer this is what it might have looked like but now this is more what I look like. The good days are coming as we are almost out of January and into February and that magic word everyone loves to think about, Spring. Until then I will continue my daily battles with the whispers from the couch and hopefully get back on track to my weekly goal (51 out of 52 sounds better than 1 out of 52).

Eating - A
This my friends is what caused Mr. Lemonhead to lose a few of those unwanted lbs. For the first time in a very long time I didn’t overindulge in everything that tastes good and ate things in moderation. I went out to eat once for lunch and actually contemplated a salad before deciding on 8 boneless wings and fries with a water to wash it down (come on now, you have to crawl before you can walk). Other than that the section that used to be the longest has now become the shortest (at least for this week). Jamie has declared the Winter of 2010/2011 to be the “The Winter of the Soups”. We are on what seems like soup #25 for the winter and that number grows weekly. We have tried such delicacies as Turkey Bean Soup (not good), Chili (better but not good), Vegetable Soup (still not good) and this week brings us Chicken Noodle Soup (finally something these taste buds can enjoy). Now I understand why people who ate from the Soup Lines were so skinny.

Overall - B-
Imagine the damage that can be done when I combine healthy eating plus a good week of exercise. It comes so naturally to me to combine unhealthy eating and the ability to find a comfortable spot on the couch, I am not sure why the other is so hard. I guess I better not get greedy because at least the top band on my undies isn’t basically folded in half when I change my clothes. Getting large and in charge is not a pretty sight folks, but I guess you had to witness it firsthand with my photo gallery two weeks ago (sorry to bring up such a painful memory). Baby steps, though, as there is still a long ways to go before I can rid myself of all folding of the undies waistband under the pressure of this large belly.

As always thanks for reading and please feel free to write any comments or suggestions as you follow my epic battle towards eliminating the need for a manssiere.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead

I Thought This Was Supposed To Be Easy

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Programming Note: If you haven’t done so already, either due to the lack of interest in what is happening in the life of Mr. Lemonhead or due to the fact that you are infected with the same laziness as me, would you please take the time to join my blog as a follower? I am not really sure what that will do for you besides make me feel like I have a captive audience (for a short period of time). Who knows, by joining you may provide that extra incentive for me to put down that tasty treat that I would otherwise be ingesting if it weren’t for your loyalty to the cause. I need all I can get for we all know that up to this point I haven’t been able to do it myself. I want to give a shout out to the four loyal followers of the life and times of Mr. Lemonhead in Beth Harbaugh-Wittenbach (the unofficial 5th child of the Larson clan), Micah, Mom, and the Mrs. Lemonhead (or Jamie as you may know her). I am not exactly sure how you become a follower but if Micah can do it I’m sure it can’t be that hard. Now that I have gotten that out of the way, let’s move on to the show.
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Here we are already, into Week 2 of a brand new start to 2011 and the beginning of great things to come for Mr. Lemonhead. Through this past week I have been able to determine one certain thing: eating healthy and exercising sure is no fun. If broccoli tasted like Snickers Ice Cream Bars then I can tell you with 100% certainty that I would be tipping the scales at sub-200 and you wouldn’t be reading this message right now. If exercising were as much fun as watching an episode of Bones then I would have run a Boston Qualifier already (sub 3:10 marathon) and I would competing with the runners in the regular divisions rather than throwing my weight around (literally) in the Clydesdale Division (for those that don’t know it is a division they made up so us fat ones have some incentive to run hard). But my good friends, we have to deal with the hand we have been dealt and mine is a hunger that never seems to be quenched and a body that prefers stillness rather than movement. Thankfully with the will power that you provided me with your reading of my entry last week I was able to slay those two nasty beasts on my way to a decent Week 1.



As witnessed first hand by those horrific pictures of me with my shirt off last week (I don’t think I can apologize enough) I weighed a blimping (maybe I made the noun blimp a adjective, maybe not) 242.0 lbs (in the buff). While I would love not to have to refer to my weight with an adjective such as voluminous, I have no choice as this week I weighed in at a voluminous 238.4 lbs, for a net loss of 3.6 lbs. Yes, loyal readers, we did it. Admittedly, with the week that I had I anticipated a larger loss than the one experienced, but muscle weighs more than fat right?!?!?! But what events could lead to me being 98.5% of the man I was last week?


Exercise - B
This week I was able to get my spandex wearing body (only temporary thankfully until my loose fitting clothes fit like they did 4 months ago) out on the road 5 out of the 7 days for a grand total of 21.44 miles. I may be exceeding the rule of thumb that one week’s mileage shouldn’t exceed the previous week’s by 10%, but for you math people out there what is 10% of 0 (get my point?). Unfortunately, this was the rule of thumb that I was following from December 5 until January 1. No longer will I adhere to the rules placed before me (except for the tapering one of course) and I will test the outer limits of my body (21.44 miles was about it) even if it means I end up looking like this. I am not a meteorologist, nor did I play one of tv, so I wish that someone could explain to me why winters have to be so windy. Now when I get up in the morning for my daily debate on whether to hit the road or not I have to factor in 1) How comfortable the couch would be, 2) What the temperature outside is, 3) What route that I am going to take for my run, and now 4) How big of a wind am I going to be running into. Regardless which direction I am running in, the wind is always at my face making my eyes water from the blistering cold. This week I had to participate in some night runs as those questions above were to overwhelming to get me outside. Why can’t we mix the summer with the 98% humidity and absolutely no air movement at all with the winter and its 1097 mph winds to create a happy medium? I really don’t think that is too much to ask. I graded myself out as a B this week not only due to the fact that I met 1/52 of my 2011 goal of 20 miles a week, but I also accompanied those runs with 1 push up for every mile and 5 sit ups for every mile ran. If I can continue this up for 52 weeks then the weight will just start melting off (positive self talk).


Eating - A-
When you are coming off the past ChrisGiving holiday season that I did it is pretty hard not to give myself an A for the week. Even a 25% reduction in my daily consumption of food would result in the cutting out of 1,500 calories. Thankfully I was able to get the train back on the tracks and show a little self control. I was able to avoid the food at work except for one day where I enjoyed a few mixed nuts along with some chocolate covered raisins. Even on Friday I limited myself to one Asiago cheese bagel for breakfast. As you can imagine without my typical consumption there were leftover bagels that went to waste. I only ate out one day when I ate at Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch. I was successful in limiting my portions for dinner (so I think, I guess the Mrs. could tell you the truth) and I think the insatiated hunger (so it seems) was able to be satiated with fewer foods. On Friday I enjoyed Rizzi’s Stromboli with a Caesar Salad and a small Butterfinger/Snickers Blizzard prior to enjoying the Blue Man Group. Moderation is key and even in enjoying the delectable treats listed above I was able to do so in moderation (God does work miracles!).


Overall - B+
As stated in my last entry, I am taking Robert Frost’s road less traveled, and after one week I now realize why there hasn’t been much traffic. Thankfully the work that I put into it resulted in a loss for the week and it has my confidence growing (unlike my waistband during the previous 5 weeks). It was a good week but I know that I can do much better. I don’t want to eliminate eating unhealthy crappy foods for when I get below my goal I will indulge myself in all things unhealthy that I had deprived myself during that time and the resulting damage to my body won't be pretty. For a week, at least, things are moving in a positive direction.

While progress has been made in the past 7 days there is a lot of work yet to be done. I am still 38.4 big lbs away from my goal. This is going to be quite the adventure that you are going to get to enjoy and I am the one paying the price of admission.

As always, thanks for reading (or skimming/skipping/ignoring) and please feel free to leave any comments or suggestions (even below the posting) as I continue the battle with obesity.

Love.

Mr. Lemonhead

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Programming Note Part II: I am relatively new to the blogosphere and am not quite sure of how everything works completely. My hope is to be able to post my spreadsheet with the status of my weight loss and everything else that I deem important. Ideally I would also be able to post any new entries and have you alerted to that fact (even though you would have to resist the urge to ignore them) that there is new material from my brain to your computer screen. I think this information medium is best but please hang with me while I iron out all the kinks. Thanks for understanding.
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